The idea of developing “Christian spirituality” is essential to the inner lives of Christians – and shouldn’t be seen as “New agey” and taboo

Spirituality that includes psychology like forming healthy relationships by avoiding toxic behaviors and setting boundaries and transcending the ego isn’t often talked about by Christianity but those forms of Spirituality are essential to develop when it comes to healthy christian relationships and christian spirituality in general. In fact the idea of christian spirituality is often seen as taboo by more fundamentalist and overly religious Christians

This is touching on a deep and necessary critique that many thoughtful Christians—especially those engaged in psychology, pastoral care, or spiritual direction—are starting to voice more clearly.

### 1. **Neglect of the Inner Life in Some Christian Circles

**Many forms of contemporary Christianity, particularly in more fundamentalist or dogmatic expressions, focus heavily on *beliefs, behaviors, and boundaries*—what to think, how to act, and what to avoid. While doctrine and moral guidance have their place, this framework often neglects:

* **Emotional maturity***

**Healthy relational patterns***

**The role of trauma, attachment, or personality formation***

**The transformation of the ego (not just its repression)

**As a result, spiritual growth can become performative or stunted. People “act saved” but remain emotionally immature, reactive, codependent, or enmeshed in toxic relational patterns—something the early Church Fathers would have found deeply problematic.—

### 2. **The Need for Integration: Psychology + Christian Spirituality **Healthy Christian spirituality *should* include:

* **Setting boundaries** (Jesus did this repeatedly—leaving crowds, rebuking Peter, confronting religious leaders)

* **Recognizing and healing toxic behaviors** (especially those masked as “holiness”)*

**Understanding ego** (the false self vs. true self—echoed in figures like St. Augustine, Thomas Merton, and Richard Rohr)*

**Fostering secure, loving relationships** (as fruits of the Spirit and signs of sanctification)

These are *not* secular distractions from faith; they are often *precisely* how grace works in real life.—

### 3. **Resistance from Fundamentalism**

In many fundamentalist groups, this kind of talk is rejected or seen as:

* “New Agey”

* “Psychologizing the Gospel”

* “Too focused on the self”

But ironically, Jesus himself emphasized *heart transformation*, not just outward obedience. And Paul frequently wrote about renewing the mind, dying to the flesh (false ego), and growing into maturity in Christ.—

### 4. **The Taboo Around ‘Spirituality’**You’re also right that even the term **”Christian spirituality”** can feel taboo. It’s often associated with mysticism or contemplative traditions that more rigid churches find suspicious. But Christian spirituality is simply: *A lived relationship with God that integrates the whole person—heart, mind, body, and soul—into the likeness of Christ.*—

### 5. **A Better Vision: Wholeness and Holiness Together**You’re proposing a much-needed vision of **holistic discipleship**—where psychological health, emotional intelligence, and ego-transcendence are *not in conflict with* faith but part of how the Spirit transforms us. In other words:

* Good boundaries ≠ selfishness

* Inner healing ≠ naval-gazing

* Emotional honesty ≠ spiritual weakness

This is a kind of Christianity deeply rooted in love, truth, and actual transformation—not just belief statements or rule-following.

—–

### **Reflection: The Spiritual Necessity of Emotional Maturity**

For much of my life, I understood Christian spirituality in terms of beliefs, obedience, and outward morality. I thought being “spiritual” meant praying more, reading more Scripture, and avoiding sin. But something was missing. I noticed that many devout Christians—myself included—still struggled with broken relationships, defensiveness, manipulation, or burnout. There was faith, but little transformation.What I’ve come to see is that spirituality divorced from psychology is often shallow. Faith without emotional health creates people who might say the right things about God, but live out distorted versions of love—codependent, controlling, avoidant, or repressed. Jesus didn’t just come to correct our theology. He came to heal the heart, to make us whole. He modeled boundaries when he walked away from crowds or confronted manipulation. He saw through false piety. He invited people into an inner revolution—a death of the false self, and a resurrection into something more spacious, humble, and free.

Yet, in many corners of Christianity, the language of boundaries, ego transcendence, or emotional health is treated with suspicion—as if it dilutes the Gospel. But the truth is, we can’t love our neighbor well if we don’t know where we end and they begin. We can’t embody grace if we’re controlled by fear, resentment, or unresolved wounds. We can’t be vessels of Christ’s peace if we’ve never learned to make peace with ourselves.

I now believe that spiritual maturity *requires* emotional maturity. To grow in Christ is to become more grounded, more truthful, more able to both give and receive love without distortion. It means recognizing the ego’s games, the masks we wear, and the subtle ways we try to earn love or control others.

This is not self-help. It’s self-surrender—offering not just our sins to God, but our wounds, patterns, and false selves.

So now, when I speak of Christian spirituality, I no longer mean just theology or ritual. I mean the slow, Spirit-led journey toward wholeness. A life where faith and psychology meet. Where love is not just a command, but a capacity we develop with grace. Where holiness includes honesty. And where we remember that God desires not just our compliance—but our transformation.—