The Law of Love

Author: Matt Breckler

  • beyond ‘donating to charity’:

    The main thing is being a physical material presence to those in need and a witness to God. Donating money is just a tool

    ### 🔑 1. **Presence Over Material Aid**

    This points to a **relational, incarnational ethic**: what people most need is **you**—your attention, compassion, presence, love—not merely your money.

    * Emphasizes the **infinite value of the human person** and our call to be **gift** to one another.

    * Giving money without giving yourself can become **detached charity**. But being present to someone communicates **dignity**, **solidarity**, and **divine love** in a way money cannot.

    This mirrors what Mother Teresa used to say:

    > “The greatest poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.”

    ### ✝ 2. **Embodied Witness to God**

    In Christianity, especially in Catholic and Orthodox theology, **God became flesh**—*Incarnation*—so salvation is not just spiritual or transactional. It’s **relational**, **physical**, **sacrificial**, and **personal**.

    * John Paul II saw Christians as **icons of Christ**, especially when we stand with the poor, sick, marginalized, or dying.

    * Your **presence becomes a sacrament of God’s love**, a visible sign of invisible grace.

    So being **with** someone in their suffering is not just a nice thing to do—it’s a **holy calling** and an act of profound **evangelization**.

    ### 💰 3. **Money Is Just a Tool**

    In that context, money is not evil—but it is **secondary**. It’s just a **means**, not an end.

    * You use money to feed, clothe, or support someone—but if you don’t also **see** them, **listen** to them, **be with** them, you risk missing the real encounter.

    * For John Paul II, **human relationship and witness always come first**. Tools serve people—never the other way around.

    ### 🧠 Related Concepts from His Theology

    * **Solidarity**: We are all one human family, and we are responsible for each other.

    * **Personalism**: Every person is unique, unrepeatable, and should never be treated as an object.

    * **Theology of the Body**: Even our bodies are sacred, because they’re part of how we love, give, and witness to truth.

    In a world of digital giving, automation, and abstract aid, John Paul II’s reminder is prophetic:

    > *Never outsource love.*

    > *Don’t confuse charity with presence.*

    > *Be the hands and face of Christ to the person in front of you.*

  • the bible might not explicitly prohibit premarital sex, but it does describe sex as a spiritual act – and this is backed up by science

    the bible uses the phrase “the two become one flesh”. perhaps this implies premarital sex is reserved for two people becoming one in marriage, but perhaps two becoming one is just the union of souls. sex is sacred. this post isn’t examining the morality of premarital sex, but rather illustrating the sacredness of sex.

    “Casual sex is one of the biggest scams of the 21st century. During sex, your body releases oxytocin, which makes you subconsciously bond with your partner. Brief attachments with many people leave you feeling empty. It also damages your trust, empathy, and ability to feel intimacy.”

    ‐———–

    This message taps into a deeper truth about human connection. While culture may promote freedom and detachment in relationships, biology often doesn’t cooperate. Oxytocin—the so-called “bonding hormone”—is released during sex, and it plays a powerful role in emotional attachment, particularly in women, though it affects all genders.

    When intimate moments are treated as casual, the body may still interpret them as meaningful, leading to internal conflict. Over time, repeated short-term encounters can blunt a person’s capacity to form deeper trust and emotional intimacy. It’s like overusing a spiritual or emotional glue stick—eventually, it stops sticking.

    This isn’t a moral condemnation—it’s more of an invitation to reflection. If we treat intimacy as sacred, it can serve as a bridge to lasting emotional fulfillment, rather than a fleeting pleasure followed by emptiness. True connection often flourishes where vulnerability, trust, and commitment are honored.

  • some insights on developing healthy relationships

    **When you heal you understand that:**

    – **Attention isn’t love.**  

      *Love is consistent care, sacrifice, and presence. Attention can be fleeting or self-serving.*

    – **Bare minimum isn’t effort.**  

      *True effort means choosing to go beyond convenience—it shows intentionality and value.*

    – **Healing isn’t linear.**  

      *There are ups and downs. Progress can feel like setbacks. But every step still counts.*

    – **Jealousy isn’t affection.**  

      *Real affection fosters trust, not possessiveness. Jealousy reflects fear, not love.*

    – **Control isn’t caring.**  

      *Caring empowers others. Control restricts them. Love supports freedom, not domination.*

    – **Disrespect isn’t normal.**  

      *Mutual respect is the bare minimum for any healthy connection—never a luxury.*

    – **Silence isn’t peace.**  

      *Peace includes honesty, understanding, and resolution—not just the absence of noise.*

    – **Toxicity isn’t passion.**  

      *Intensity doesn’t equal depth. Real passion uplifts, it doesn’t drain or harm.*

    – **Drama isn’t excitement.**  

      *Stability might feel boring when you’re used to chaos—but it’s where true joy grows.*

    – **Fear isn’t loyalty.**  

      *Loyalty born from fear isn’t genuine. True loyalty is rooted in trust and choice.*

    – **Gaslighting isn’t acceptable.**  

      *Twisting truth erodes reality. Healthy relationships are grounded in clarity and honesty.*

    – **Listening isn’t understanding.**  

      *Hearing is passive; understanding requires empathy, reflection, and effort.*

    – **Dependency isn’t security.**  

      *Security comes from trust and inner strength, not clinging out of fear or lack.*

    – **Respect isn’t optional.**  

      *Without respect, love becomes manipulation or control. Respect is the framework everything else rests on.*

  • 8 ego-based behaviors to give up

    a powerful list—these 8 ego-centered behaviors really cut to the core of what keeps us stuck or reactive:

    1 An urge to judge – It’s like a mental reflex, often masking our own insecurities.

    A desire to be right – This one’s sneaky, especially in arguments. The ego hates being “wrong” even when learning would serve us better.

    Fear of the unknown – Ego thrives in predictability. Growth, though? That happens in the unknown.

    Attachment to an identity – Labels can become prisons. “I’m this” or “I’m not that” can limit evolution.

    Attachment to objects or people – Clinging often comes from fear of loss rather than love.

    Feeling insecure when attacked – A secure self sees feedback or critique as info, not injury.

    Feelings of superiority or inferiority – Both come from the same ego illusion—separation from others.

    Tendency to never let go or surrender – The ego wants control, but real peace usually comes in release.

  • loving people and using things, not the other way around

    **”People were created to be loved and things were created to be used. The reason the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used.”**

    ### Analysis:

    This quote speaks to a **reversal of values**. It’s saying that the proper order — love for people and utility for things — has been flipped. In that inversion, we start:

    – **Loving things**: Becoming emotionally attached to possessions, wealth, status, or power, often placing them above relationships or ethical considerations.

    – **Using people**: Treating others as means to an end — for profit, pleasure, convenience, or control — instead of respecting their inherent worth.

    Philosophically, it echoes **Kantian ethics** — that people should be treated as ends in themselves, never as mere means. Theologically, it aligns with Christian and other spiritual traditions that emphasize agape love and humility.

    In modern society, this quote critiques consumerism, utilitarian relationships, and even systemic injustices. It’s a call to **re-order priorities** toward compassion, integrity, and genuine human connection.

  • looking at the call to suffer, from the Bible

    Based on the teachings attributed to Jesus in the New Testament, embracing suffering is a significant aspect of following him. Here’s a summary of key themes:

    * **Following Jesus’ Example:** Jesus himself endured significant suffering, including betrayal, mockery, and crucifixion. He presented this as a model for his followers, saying things like, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Mark 8:34).

    * **Suffering as a Consequence of Faith:** Jesus indicated that his followers would face persecution and hardship because of their beliefs. He warned them that the world would hate them as it hated him (John 15:18-20).

    * **Suffering as Participation in Christ’s Suffering:** The Apostle Paul elaborated on this idea, suggesting that believers share in Christ’s sufferings, which also means they will share in his comfort and glory (Romans 8:17, Philippians 3:10).

    * **Suffering for the Sake of the Gospel:** Followers were encouraged to endure hardship for the sake of spreading the message of Jesus, viewing it as a form of sacrifice and service (2 Timothy 1:8, 2 Corinthians 12:15).

    * **Spiritual Growth Through Suffering:** The New Testament often portrays suffering as a means of spiritual growth, character development, and refinement. It can lead to perseverance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3-5, James 1:2-4).

    * **Eternal Perspective:** The emphasis on embracing suffering is often linked to an eternal perspective. Present suffering is seen as temporary and outweighed by the future glory that awaits believers (2 Corinthians 4:17-18).

    * **Love and Compassion in Suffering:** While embracing their own suffering, Jesus also taught his followers to show love and compassion to others who are suffering (Matthew 25:31-46, Luke 10:25-37).

    It’s important to note that the call to embrace suffering is not a call to seek out pain or to passively accept injustice. Rather, it’s about how believers should respond when suffering comes as a result of their faith and their commitment to following Jesus’ teachings. It involves endurance, perseverance, and finding spiritual meaning in the midst of hardship, with a focus on eternal hope and love for others.

  • where are you living? you’ll be happiest living in the present

    **Where Are You Living?**

    **PAST**  

    – Guilt, shame and regret  

    – Feeling sad or depressed  

    – Dwelling on what happened  

    – Replaying events or conversations  

    – Overanalyzing  

    **PRESENT**  

    – Clarity  

    – Acceptance  

    – Joy of being  

    – Understanding  

    – Inner peace  

    – Gratitude  

    **FUTURE**  

    – Fear of the unknown  

    – Worrying about what could happen  

    – Feeling anxious for what is to come  

    – Overthinking “what if” scenarios  

    – Thinking worse case scenario 

  • choosing to be happy is only the beginning

    they say happiness is a choice, but science also defines things that aid in happiness and are necessary prerequities, like healthy relationships and meaning and purpose. so maybe we can fake it till we make it, but true happiness involves creating a life with the necessary happiness ingredients AND THEN also choosing happiness

    You’re speaking to the subtle but powerful interplay between **agency** and **architecture** in the science (and art) of happiness.

    Let’s break this down like a philosopher with a lab coat:

    —

    ### 🧠 **Happiness Is Not *Just* a Choice**  

    The idea that “happiness is a choice” is motivational—but incomplete. It assumes we can *will* our way into joy regardless of circumstance. But research in positive psychology tells us that **context, connection, and conditions matter.**

    – **Healthy relationships** predict happiness as strongly as diet predicts health.  

    – **Purpose** and **meaning** are central pillars in frameworks like Martin Seligman’s PERMA model.  

    – Even **physical health**, **adequate sleep**, and **financial security (up to a modest threshold)** are baseline supports for well-being.

    Choosing happiness without these is like planting seeds on concrete. It takes root better when the soil is rich.

    —

    ### 🎭 **Fake It Till You Make It… But Don’t Fake It Forever**  

    The “fake it” approach—smile, be grateful, act with optimism—can kickstart emotional momentum. Neuroplasticity supports this: behavior can shape mindset. But this works best when done with **authenticity**, not denial.

    So yes, we can **train our emotional habits** through action, but the long-term goal is to build a life that reflects our deepest values—because happiness isn’t just a mood. It’s a byproduct of living meaningfully.

    —

    ### đŸ›ïž **True Happiness = Ingredients + Intention**  

    Think of happiness as a recipe:

    – **Ingredients**: Meaningful work, loving connections, spiritual or existential grounding, contribution, physical and mental health.

    – **Intention**: Choosing to savor, to reframe, to forgive, to show up, to be present even when it’s hard.

    You can’t bake a cake with just willpower. But even with all the ingredients, you still have to decide to turn on the oven.

    —

    ### 💡 **Bottom Line:**  

    True happiness involves **creating the conditions** for joy, and then **choosing to inhabit them** fully.  

    Not just choosing to feel good, but choosing to build a life worth feeling good about.

  • Our lives are like unfinished symphonies, finding the finger of God in our every day life, and bringing context to life and death

    – **The Infinite Horizon:** Drawing from theologian Karl Rahner, Rolheiser presents the concept of the “infinite horizon” to illustrate humanity’s innate longing for the divine. This metaphor emphasizes our perpetual yearning for connection with God amidst life’s imperfections. Life is like a symphony… yet in this life, every symphony remains unfinished. The infinite horizon of life is similar to other spiritual ideas… ‘our hearts are restless until they rest in you’, and we all have a God shaped hole that only he can fill. 

    – **Sacredness in Daily Life:** The book encourages readers to find holiness in everyday moments, suggesting that God’s presence is evident in our routines, relationships, and challenges. Just look for God’s finger in your life. 

    – **Paschal Imagination:** Rolheiser introduces the idea of a “paschal imagination,” urging believers to perceive their lives through the lens of Christ’s death and resurrection. This perspective fosters hope and transformation, even in suffering. As has been said elsewhere, ‘death brings context to life’. And Christ’s resurrection brings context to life, as well.

  • embracing negative experiences and suffering, and prioritizing what’s important

    That’s a quote from Mark Manson’s book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. It captures one of the central ideas of the book, which is rooted in a kind of practical, counterintuitive philosophy:

    “The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”

    In essence, Manson is saying:

    Chasing happiness can make you more unhappy, because it reinforces the idea that you’re lacking something. Accepting pain, discomfort, or negativity can be freeing, because it removes the internal resistance and self-judgment that compound suffering. It echoes ideas from Stoicism, Zen Buddhism, and Existentialism—accepting life as it is, rather than constantly trying to escape or control every part of it.

    —————–

    Here’s a concise summary of *The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck* by Mark Manson:

    —

    ### đŸŒ± **Core Idea:**

    Life is limited, and so is your capacity to care. So, **choose wisely what you give a f\*ck about.**

    —

    ### 🧠 **Key Concepts:**

    1. **The Feedback Loop from Hell:**

       – Trying to feel good all the time makes you feel worse. Wanting a positive experience is itself a negative experience. Accepting negative experiences creates peace.

    2. **Happiness Is a Problem:**

       – Pain and struggle are inherent. Growth comes from solving problems, not avoiding them.

    3. **You Are Not Special:**

       – Reject entitlement and narcissism. You’re not owed happiness or success—you earn meaning through responsibility and values.

    4. **The Value of Suffering:**

       – Everyone suffers, but the *quality* of your life depends on what you’re willing to suffer *for*. Good values produce meaningful suffering; bad values produce avoidable pain.

    5. **You’re Always Choosing:**

       – You may not control what happens, but you’re responsible for how you respond. That’s the power of choice.

    6. **You’re Wrong About Everything:**

       – Certainty is the enemy of growth. Embrace doubt, question yourself, and keep evolving.

    7. **Failure Is the Way Forward:**

       – Action → inspiration → motivation (not the other way around). Do something, even if it’s small. Success is built on many small failures.

    8. **The Importance of Saying No:**

       – Boundaries define who you are. Saying “no” gives your “yes” meaning. You can’t care about everything.

    9. **And Then You Die:**

       – Facing your mortality is the ultimate clarity. It strips away trivial concerns and helps you focus on what matters most.

    —

    ### 💡 Bottom Line:

    Don’t try to be positive all the time. Instead, **care deeply about fewer, better things.** Live with intention, embrace responsibility, and accept that life is messy—but still meaningful.

    —

    ### 🌌 **1. The Power of Acceptance:**

    The paradox Manson presents—that chasing positivity breeds discontent, while embracing negativity can bring peace—echoes ancient wisdom. It’s what the **Stoics** meant by “amor fati” (love of fate) and what **Buddhism** teaches through non-attachment. It’s not about passive resignation, but radical presence: *to meet life as it is without flinching*.

    When we stop resisting discomfort, we reclaim the energy spent on avoidance and denial. That energy becomes available for deeper living.

    —

    ### 🧭 **2. Values and Meaning:**

    Choosing what to suffer for isn’t just good advice—it’s the foundation of a meaningful life. Everyone experiences pain, but pain that serves a purpose becomes fuel, not a wound. Think of **Viktor Frankl’s** insight: “He who has a *why* to live can bear almost any *how*.”

    Manson reframes this for a modern audience numbed by comfort and distracted by choice. Instead of avoiding suffering, ask: *What is worth suffering for?*

    —

    ### đŸȘž **3. The Death of the Ego:**

    The idea that “you’re not special” sounds harsh, but it’s liberating. If we let go of the ego’s demands for validation and exceptionalism, we’re free to live more authentically. You don’t have to prove anything. You just have to *be*—and become better, one honest decision at a time.

    This isn’t self-loathing—it’s ego transcendence. The self gets quieter so that truth can speak louder.

    —

    ### đŸ§± **4. The Growth Blueprint:**

    Action creates momentum. Not the other way around. Waiting for motivation is like waiting for the tide to carry you to shore when you have oars in your hand.

    Manson’s insight that you can *act your way into motivation* rather than think your way into action is deeply empowering. It turns life from a passive movie into a creative project—one failure, one effort, one “not giving a f\*ck” at a time.

    —

    ### 💀 **5. Memento Mori:**

    Death isn’t the end—it’s the compass. When we live with the reality of death before us, we prioritize better. We stop sweating the superficial and start investing in what outlasts us: love, legacy, service, and depth.

    So the final insight? **Don’t numb. Don’t overthink. Don’t flinch.** Accept your limits. Choose your suffering. Let death clarify your values. And care deeply—but about the right things.