The Law of Love

Author: Matt Breckler

  • Do we live in a Duality or is it an Illusion of Duality? Light versus dark, good versus evil. Or Is dark just the absence of light?

    Do we live in a Duality or is it an Illusion of Duality? Light versus dark, good versus evil. Or Is dark just the absence of light?

    Can humans Live Without the Illusion of Duality?

    This question—Can humans experience life without the illusion of duality?—strikes at the very heart of contemplative practice, mystical experience, and the deepest aims of philosophy and spirituality.

    Short Answer:
    Yes—partially, temporarily, or indirectly. Throughout history, humans have pierced the illusion of separateness, but sustaining that clarity in the midst of embodied, sensory, ego-bound existence is exceedingly rare, perhaps impossible in a lasting way.

    🕊️ Glimpses of Non-Dual Awareness

    Mystical experiences are among the most powerful glimpses of unity. Across traditions, individuals report moments when the boundaries of self vanish and all is experienced as One:

    • Christian mystics like Julian of Norwich and Meister Eckhart described total union with God.
    • Sufi poets such as Rumi spoke of dissolving into divine love.
    • Buddhist practitioners have long pursued satori or non-dual awareness—states beyond subject and object.
    • Near-death experiencers often recount merging with a luminous presence that feels indivisible from all being.

    Deep meditation and psychedelics can also erode the usual partitions of perception, time, and identity, opening what feels like a clear window onto reality without concepts.

    Radical moments of love, presence, or awe—birth, death, grief, profound beauty—sometimes thin the illusion. For an instant, we touch something more real than our ordinary stories.

    ⚖️ Why We Keep Returning to Duality

    Even after a taste of wholeness, we return to dual perception because it is hardwired:

    • Evolution taught us to differentiate self and other, safe and dangerous, mine and yours.
    • Language itself encodes binary thinking.
    • The ego’s function is to maintain the boundary of personal identity.

    This isn’t a flaw—it’s a feature of being human. The mind eventually reasserts itself, labeling, evaluating, comparing. That reentry is normal.

    🪞 Living Aware of the Illusion

    Though permanent non-dual awareness may not be realistic, we can see through duality even as we participate in it. This is the path of the contemplative, the mystic, the awakened soul:

    • Recognizing separation is a lens, not the truth itself.
    • Cultivating compassion, knowing no one is truly “other.”
    • Loosening the hold of ego and judgment, remembering that division is provisional.
    • Deepening presence, where the illusion grows thin.

    As the Bhagavad Gita says, “He who sees action in inaction and inaction in action is truly wise.” Or as Christ taught, we can be in the world but not of it.

    🔥 The Paradox of Suffering

    Suffering itself is perhaps the most powerful proof of the illusion of duality.

    Suffering arises in the mind from:

    • The feeling of being separate from love, meaning, or wholeness.
    • The tension of craving and aversion—wanting reality to be other than it is.
    • Judging experiences as wrong, unjust, meaningless.
    • Believing pain is final, rather than part of a larger transformation.

    Non-dual awareness doesn’t erase pain but recontextualizes it—revealing it as a phenomenon within a field of wholeness. The friction becomes less about alienation and more about growing into what is already true.

    🧘 Traditions That Frame Suffering as Illusory

    Buddhism:
    The Buddha taught that the root of suffering (dukkha) is clinging to illusions, especially the illusion of an independent, unchanging self. Enlightenment is not the end of pain but the end of delusion—the insight that even suffering isn’t ultimately real.

    Christian Mysticism:
    Julian of Norwich wrote, “Sin is behovely [necessary], but all shall be well.” Even suffering and evil, she saw, serve a hidden purpose within divine love. Christ’s passion becomes redemptive because it reveals that pain can be transformed by love.

    Near-Death Experiences:
    Many who return from NDEs say, “Even my greatest suffering made sense—it was part of a tapestry.” What once seemed meaningless became, in the light of wholeness, a teacher and a bridge.

    🌗 Suffering as the Shadow of Light

    You once said that duality is the illusion cast by contrast. Building on that:

    Suffering may be the shadow thrown by our resistance to the Light—a friction that arises when we forget our unity.

    Seen this way, pain is not meaningless but a messenger, inviting us back to the awareness of wholeness.

    ⚖️ The Danger of Bypassing

    It is important to remember that saying “suffering is illusion” can become spiritual bypassing—a way to avoid pain rather than honor it.

    Philosophy becomes escapism when it:

    • Minimizes or dismisses real trauma.
    • Abstracts pain so far that it loses contact with lived experience.
    • Invalidates grief or injustice.

    But true inquiry and mystical insight do not deny suffering—they frame it, so it can be met with courage and compassion.

    ✨ The Example of Christ

    Christ did not philosophize suffering away.
    He entered it fully.
    He wept.
    He cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
    But even in that cry, He entrusted His spirit to the Father.

    That is not escapism. That is transcendence through intimacy with pain.

    🌌 The Invitation

    You are not simply theorizing. You are asking these questions experientially, seeking to live in a way that sees through illusion without dismissing the reality of human feeling.

    Suffering is not the absence of light but the illusion that we are cut off from it.

    You are not far from that understanding—and from the compassion it unlocks.

  • How the church fathers and modern theologians handle extra-marital sex – especially considering the Bible doesn’t necessarily explicitly prohibit it

    7. What Did the Early Church Teach?

    The early Church fathers generally taught that sex belonged within the covenant of marriage. For example, St. Augustine (4th century) held a very strict view, believing that even within marriage, sex was tainted by lust unless it was solely for procreation. He considered celibacy superior to marriage and taught that premarital sex, being outside the sacramental bounds, was sinful. His ideas heavily shaped Western Christian sexual ethics.

    St. John Chrysostom, while affirming marriage and family life, also emphasized self-control and spiritual purity, warning against fornication (porneia). Yet even he recognized that marriage was not primarily for procreation or legal formality, but for love, mutual service, and spiritual partnership (see Homily 12 on Colossians).

    The Didache (late 1st or early 2nd century), an early Christian manual, condemns “fornication” along with idolatry and murder, but does not clearly define what “fornication” entails. Again, the term was understood broadly—covering adultery, incest, cultic prostitution, and sexual exploitation—but it likely included all non-marital sex by assumption, even if not by specific definition.

    So yes, early Christians leaned strongly toward reserving sex for marriage—but their rationale was largely based on the need for moral order, community integrity, and spiritual discipline in a pagan culture saturated with abuse, exploitation, and moral chaos.

    8. What Are Modern Christians Saying?

    Today, Christians across traditions continue to wrestle with this issue. Many still hold the traditional view—that sex is only appropriate in a committed, covenanted marriage between one man and one woman. But others are asking deeper questions, especially in light of:

    • The absence of explicit prohibitions against premarital sex in the Bible.
    • The complexity of modern relationships, where people date for years, often with deep emotional, spiritual, and physical connection.
    • The harm caused by shame-based purity culture, which often taught that a person’s worth was tied to sexual “purity,” especially for women.

    Some progressive theologians argue that if a sexual relationship is marked by mutual consent, emotional commitment, honesty, and spiritual integrity, it may not violate biblical ethics—even if it takes place before formal marriage. They point to texts like Romans 13:10: “Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” If love is present, the law is not transgressed.

    Others, while maintaining a traditional ethic, admit the conversation is not as clear-cut as once thought. Tim Keller, a well-known Reformed pastor, upheld sex within marriage but acknowledged in his sermons that many Christians don’t understand why the Bible seems to limit sex to marriage—often reducing the teaching to rule-following rather than spiritual reflection on covenant, trust, and vulnerability.

    9. A Balanced Conclusion

    The biblical narrative places sex within the broader context of covenant, mutual giving, and sacred union. It warns against lust, exploitation, and impurity—not because sex is bad, but because sex is powerful, formative, and deeply connected to our spiritual lives.

    Still, it’s true: the Bible does not say “premarital sex is a sin” in so many words. Nor does it treat all non-marital sex as equally sinful or categorize it with the same moral weight. It leaves us with principles more than precise rules.

    So what do we do with that?

    We walk carefully. With humility. With reverence for God, respect for others, and an awareness that not everything lawful is beneficial (1 Corinthians 10:23). Rather than asking simply, “Is this allowed?”, perhaps we should ask:

    Does this relationship honor the dignity of both people?
    Does it express faithful, sacrificial love?
    Does it reflect God’s desire for wholeness, intimacy, and truth?

    That’s not fancy footwork. That’s spiritual maturity.

  • Rethinking Extramarital Sex Through a Biblical Lens

    Rethinking Extramarital Sex Through a Biblical Lens

    When it comes to the ethics of extramarital sex, many Christians default to the idea that the Bible clearly prohibits all sexual activity outside of marriage. But a closer look at Scripture reveals a more nuanced picture—one that invites reflection rather than rigid assumption.

    1. Lust vs. Desire

    Jesus taught that lust is sinful: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). The Greek word translated “lust” is epithumeō, which often carries the meaning of covetousness or inordinate desire—a grasping attitude that treats others as objects of gratification rather than persons made in God’s image.

    Importantly, the context of Jesus’ teaching is adultery, not just any unlawful or disordered sexual desire. If Jesus had meant all forms of sexual desire outside of marriage, He likely would have said so more broadly. But here, He’s specifically intensifying the commandment against adultery by showing that the desire itself—if indulged—is already spiritually adulterous. In other words, just because someone doesn’t physically commit the act doesn’t mean their heart is clean. The implication is: “You didn’t technically commit adultery with your body, but you would have if you could have.” It’s about disordered intention and inward desire, not merely outward action. Jesus is exposing the deeper heart-level corruption that the law alone couldn’t fully address

    Importantly, not all sexual desire falls under this category. Desire itself is not condemned in Scripture—only desire that disrespects boundaries or lacks love and covenant. This suggests that some forms of premarital sexual attraction or activity may not be inherently sinful, depending on the heart, context, and relational integrity involved.

    2. What Fornication Really Means

    Paul often warns against “fornication,” translated from the Greek porneia (e.g., 1 Thessalonians 4:3). Yet this term historically referred not simply to “sex before marriage” as we define it today, but more broadly to unlawful or exploitative sexual acts, such as incest (Leviticus 18), temple prostitution, adultery, and abuse.

    The Bible does not explicitly define porneia as all premarital sex. Instead, it condemns sexual relationships that violate divine order, justice, or covenant. So while premarital sex might sometimes fall under this category, it isn’t automatically equated with porneia in the biblical text.

    3. Becoming One Flesh

    Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Paul reaffirms this in Ephesians 5:31, applying it to the sanctity of marital union. Sex is portrayed here as something deeply unifying—both physically and spiritually.

    But does “one flesh” only apply to marriage? Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 6:16: “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body?”—clearly showing that becoming “one flesh” can occur even outside the marriage covenant. Rather than proving such sex is sacred, Paul’s point is that sex has profound consequences, whether marital or not. This supports the idea that sex is never casual or meaningless—but it also shows the Bible acknowledges the spiritual impact of sex beyond marriage.

    4. Marriage as a Remedy, Not a Requirement

    Paul writes: “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). Here, Paul is addressing a practical issue in the Corinthian church. His advice seems pastoral more than doctrinal: if you can’t remain celibate, marriage is a good, stabilizing path.

    He adds in verse 9: “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Yet, he doesn’t define what “burning with passion” precisely means—whether it’s lust, general desire, or emotional longing. Nor does he say that those who “burn” and don’t marry are thereby sinning. He simply offers a wise way to live in wholeness, recognizing human weakness and need.

    5. What the Bible Doesn’t Say

    Despite centuries of strong teaching against premarital sex, it’s striking that no verse explicitly states that all sex before marriage is a sin. This silence is significant. While the Bible is clear about the sacredness of sex and the dangers of lust, exploitation, and adultery, it never directly declares consensual, loving premarital sex as morally forbidden.

    The same can be said of masturbation—a topic not directly addressed in any moral or legal prohibition in Scripture. Though often condemned by tradition, the biblical texts don’t weigh in definitively.

    6. Conclusion: Walking Carefully

    To be clear, this isn’t a free pass to treat sex casually. Scripture consistently upholds sex as sacred, relational, and spiritually powerful. It warns against selfishness, exploitation, and anything that dehumanizes. But within that framework, the biblical witness may be less rigid than often assumed.

    Yes, many would argue the implication of Scripture is that sex belongs within marriage—and that’s a reasonable interpretation. But it’s equally fair to note that the lack of explicit condemnation invites thoughtful dialogue and discernment. Especially when love, honesty, and mutual respect are present, we may need to look beyond blanket rules and ask: What kind of relationship honors the image of God in both people?

    For more on how the Bible and Christianity and science treat sexual relations as a spiritual act, check out my other blog post.

    https://thelawoflovebook.com/2025/06/02/the-bible-might-not-explicitly-prohibit-premarital-sex-but-it-does-describe-sex-as-a-spiritual-act/

    For more on how the church fathers and modern theologians handle premarital sex, check out this other blog post

    https://thelawoflovebook.com/2025/06/30/how-the-church-fathers-and-modern-theologians-handle-extra-marital-sex-especially-considering-the-bible-doesnt-necessarily-explicitly-prohibit-it/

  • Scholars largely reject that Jesus taught literal hellfire – what did he probably intend?

    Bart Ehrman has addressed the question of whether Jesus was being literal about hellfire, and his position is nuanced. His view is representstive of scholarly consensus. He’s a skeptical scholar against Christianity, so he has no skin in the game in justifying it.

    1. Ehrman’s General View

    Bart Ehrman is a New Testament scholar and historian who often writes about how Christian doctrines developed over time. He has repeatedly said that Jesus did preach about judgment, but not necessarily in terms of eternal conscious torment in a fiery hell as popularly imagined today.

    2. On Jesus and Hellfire

    In lectures and writings (including “Heaven and Hell: A History of the Afterlife”), Ehrman argues:

    • Jesus believed in a coming kingdom of God and a final judgment, but not in the idea of eternal fiery torment that became common in later Christian theology.
    • Jesus may have used symbolic or metaphorical language (like “Gehenna,” the Valley of Hinnom, which was a real place outside Jerusalem known as a trash heap) to refer to divine judgment or destruction—not necessarily a literal hell with flames and torture.
    • Ehrman often highlights that the concept of hell as eternal fire owes more to later developments, especially from the Book of Revelation, Church Fathers, and eventually Dante and medieval theology, than from the historical Jesus himself.

    3. Direct Quotes or Paraphrases

    Ehrman in Heaven and Hell (2020):

    “Jesus does speak about a place called Gehenna, often translated as ‘hell,’ but he probably meant it as a metaphor for destruction rather than a place of eternal torment.”

    “The idea of eternal torment for sinners is not prominent in the earliest layers of Jesus’ teachings. It was likely a later Christian development.”

    4. Scholarly Consensus

    Ehrman aligns with many critical scholars who believe:

    • Jesus’ teachings about judgment reflected apocalyptic Jewish ideas of his time.
    • These often involved annihilation or exclusion from God’s kingdom, not fiery eternal punishment.
    • When Jesus talks about “weeping and gnashing of teeth,” it likely reflects grief at exclusion from the coming reign of God, not a literal hell.

    Here’s a breakdown of several key **Gospel passages** where Jesus speaks about judgment or “hell,” alongside how **Bart Ehrman** and other critical scholars interpret these passages, particularly regarding whether Jesus meant **literal hellfire**:—

    ## 🔥 1. **Mark 9:43–48 — “Unquenchable fire… where the worm does not die”**> “If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into *Gehenna*, where the fire never goes out… where the worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched.”

    ### ⚖️ Ehrman’s Interpretation:* Jesus here refers to **Gehenna**, which was a **real place** (Valley of Hinnom) outside Jerusalem, known historically for **child sacrifice** (Jeremiah 7:31) and later as a burning garbage dump.* Ehrman argues Jesus used **Gehenna symbolically**, not to describe Dante’s hell, but to **evoke destruction**, **shame**, or **exclusion from life**.* He suggests that Jesus’ warning is apocalyptic: those unworthy will be **destroyed** or **miss out on the coming Kingdom**, not eternally roasted.—

    ## 🔥 2. **Matthew 10:28 — “Fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell”**> “Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, fear him who can destroy both soul and body in *Gehenna*.”

    ### ⚖️ Ehrman’s Interpretation:* The key word is **destroy**, not “torture” or “torment forever.” Ehrman emphasizes that this supports the idea of **annihilation**, not **eternal conscious torment**.* Jesus may have believed that the wicked would be **completely wiped out** by God’s judgment — not suffer eternally.* This passage is often cited by **annihilationists**, a position Ehrman finds historically closer to what Jesus may have believed.—

    ## 🔥 3. **Luke 16:19–31 — The Rich Man and Lazarus (parable)**> The rich man dies and ends up in torment in Hades, while Lazarus is comforted in Abraham’s bosom.

    ### ⚖️ Ehrman’s Interpretation:* Ehrman stresses that this is a **parable**, not a literal map of the afterlife.* The story likely **borrows from Jewish folklore** and **Hellenistic ideas** of reversal in the afterlife (rich/poor).* It’s more about **economic justice and repentance now** than afterlife geography.* For Ehrman, this does **not mean Jesus taught a literal fiery hell** — just that he used **illustrative stories** to teach moral urgency.—

    ## 🔥 4. **Matthew 25:46 — “Eternal punishment” vs. “eternal life”**> “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

    ### ⚖️ Ehrman’s Interpretation:* Ehrman acknowledges this is one of the strongest verses for eternal punishment, but says the **Greek word “kolasis”** originally meant **pruning** or **corrective punishment**, not torture.* He argues this could refer to **a final judgment with permanent consequences** (like being left out of the kingdom), rather than literal ongoing torment.* The emphasis is on **ethical living now**, not detailed eschatology.—

    ## 🔥 Summary: Was Jesus being *literal* about hellfire?### According to Bart Ehrman:* Jesus **did teach judgment** and **consequences**.* He likely believed in **a final, dramatic intervention by God** (the Kingdom was at hand).* But the popular image of **fiery eternal torment** owes more to **later theology** (especially post-100 AD) than to Jesus himself.* Ehrman sees Jesus as an **apocalyptic prophet**, preaching repentance in light of **God’s soon-coming reign**, where the wicked would be excluded or destroyed — not necessarily tortured forever.—

  • Rethinking Hell: Comparing Christian teachings with modern interpretation and science

    The idea of hell has haunted the Western imagination for centuries—often depicted as fire, torture, and unending torment. But modern scholarship, Eastern Christian traditions, and even near-death research point to a much more nuanced and hopeful picture. What if hell isn’t a dungeon of punishment but a reflection of our state of being in the presence of Divine Love?

    1. Was Jesus Speaking Literally About Hellfire?

    Scholars largely agree that Jesus used metaphor and hyperbole—especially when speaking of hell. Terms like Gehenna (a trash heap outside Jerusalem) were rich with symbolic meaning. Jesus, like many Jewish teachers of his day, spoke in parables and imagery.

    “If your eye causes you to sin, tear it out… it is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into hell.”
    — Matthew 18:9

    Clearly, Jesus was not commanding self-mutilation. The same interpretive care should apply to his teachings on judgment. Hell may not be literal fire—but rather something spiritually profound.

    2. Traditionalism and the Legacy of Fire

    It’s true that some traditional Christian sources, like the Catholic Encyclopedia, describe hell in horrifying, literal terms. For centuries, such teachings served both as moral instruction and cultural control.

    But this literalist view isn’t universal in Christianity. In fact, Eastern Orthodoxy has long offered a radically different interpretation.

    3. The Orthodox View: Hell as God’s Love

    Eastern Christians often teach that God’s love is like fire—and it is the same fire whether it warms or burns. To the righteous, it is joy; to the estranged, it is anguish.

    “For our God is a consuming fire.”
    — Hebrews 12:29

    “The same sun that melts wax hardens clay.”
    — (Proverb paraphrased in many Church Fathers)

    This view suggests that God’s presence doesn’t change—but we do. Hell, then, is not God torturing us—it’s our inability to receive perfect love without pain when we are spiritually misaligned.

    4. A New Age Analogy: Vibrational Frequencies

    Imagine the spiritual realm as frequencies. Some souls “resonate” at higher levels—filled with compassion, humility, joy. Others “vibrate lower”—marked by hatred, selfishness, fear.

    “Whatever one sows, that will he also reap.”
    — Galatians 6:7

    This metaphor echoes both Eastern Christian and modern mystical thought: that we each become more or less in tune with God’s divine energy. Hell isn’t imposed—it’s the natural outcome of discord.

    5. Energy, Light, and the Divine Presence

    Even physics points us to a spiritual metaphor. Light—pure energy—does not experience time. Matter (mass) can be converted to light. This is deeply evocative of the Incarnation:

    “The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world.”
    — John 1:9

    Christ enters the world like light into matter, offering transformation. Those who resist remain in the heavy density of ego and separation. Those who accept become radiant.

    6. Annihilationism: What If Evil Simply Ceases?

    Some Christians believe in annihilationism—that rather than eternal torment, souls who persist in rejecting God eventually cease to exist.

    “The soul who sins shall die.”
    — Ezekiel 18:20

    This view sees God not as a torturer but as a respecter of freedom—even to the point of non-being. Love will not coerce.

    7. The Gift of Free Will

    Across all these views—Orthodox, metaphorical, annihilationist—one thread remains: God gives us real freedom. We are not puppets. We shape our destiny.

    “Choose this day whom you will serve.”
    — Joshua 24:15

    Hell is not God’s wrath—it’s our choice, our direction, our resonance. We may even prefer separation when clinging to our ego and wounds.

    8. Near-Death Experiences: Glimpses of the Beyond

    Modern science gives us astonishing insights: near-death experiences (NDEs) often involve powerful spiritual moments—overwhelming love, light, life reviews, and sometimes, frightening encounters.

    These are not hallucinations. Many NDEs contain verified perceptions of real-world events while the body was clinically dead.

    “The spirit returns to God who gave it.”
    — Ecclesiastes 12:7

    Such experiences are compatible with the Christian view of a spiritual afterlife and a soul that persists beyond death.

    9. Negative NDEs: Lessons or Warnings?

    About 1–10% of NDEs are negative—dark voids, terrifying isolation, or visions of torment. Yet most who survive say it was a wake-up call—a life-changing lesson.

    “When Your judgments are in the earth, the inhabitants of the world learn righteousness.”
    — Isaiah 26:9

    Rather than evidence of eternal punishment, these experiences may be like dreams teaching the soul its consequences and inviting repentance.

    10. Life Reviews and Self-Judgment

    Many NDE survivors report a life review—not with condemnation, but with pure light and truth. They see their lives from others’ eyes and experience the ripple effects of their actions.

    “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
    — Luke 6:38

    This reflects a form of self-judgment in the presence of divine love. There’s no external damnation—just reality, laid bare.

    Conclusion: Hell, Love, and the Light That Shines Through All

    What if hell isn’t God’s punishment—but the pain of truth? What if it’s not eternal fire, but a call to transformation?

    From metaphor and mysticism to theology and neuroscience, the message converges: God is love (1 John 4:8). And that love never ceases to pursue us—even into death.

    Whether through parable, light, frequency, or fire, the choice remains ours.

    And the beauty of the Gospel of Jesus is all it takes is faith to willingly choose to enter into a relationship with God, based in love, and no matter where you are in your walk with God, you will never be stuck in your sin and can achieve salvation

  • Looking at the heart of sin and spiritual pitfalls: three central themes- control, significance, and comfort

    In another post, we’ll look at the cardinal virtues (justice, prudence, temperance, and fortitude) and a list of examples of sub-virtues. These cardinal virtues are the core virtues at the root of all virtues and are well established in traditional christian teaching. Another recent development in the world of christian spirituality are these three core themes at the root of all sins, control, significance, and comfort. In this post, we’ll examine these core themes and in another post we’ll examine the sub-vices (sins).

    The Becoming Man series—like many Christian men’s discipleship frameworks—often returns to the idea that men are tempted by false sources of identity and security: namely control, significance, and comfort. These are not inherently wrong, but when sought over holiness, they become idols that block transformation. While this series was made for christian men, the teachings are central enough to the human condition that they are applicable to all people, regardless of religion or gender.

    Here’s how the series usually frames each one:

    🔻 1. Control – The Pitfall of Playing God

    “When a man seeks control above holiness, he lives in fear, masks vulnerability, and resists surrender.”

    💥 The False Promise:

    Control offers the illusion of safety and certainty. It says: “If I can just manage everything—my job, my wife, my emotions, my image—I’ll be secure.”

    💀 The Spiritual Pitfall:

    • Leads to anxiety, manipulation, and perfectionism.
    • Makes a man rigid, not spirit-led.
    • Blocks trust in God and others.
    • Turns leadership into domination or withdrawal.

    💎 The Call to Holiness:

    • Trust God’s sovereignty over outcomes.
    • Embrace vulnerability as strength.
    • Let go of the need to fix, force, or perform.
    • Yield to the Holy Spirit daily.

    🕊 “Be still, and know that I am God…” (Psalm 46:10)

    🔻 2. Significance – The Pitfall of Proving Yourself

    “When a man seeks significance over holiness, he lives to be seen by others instead of known by God.”

    💥 The False Promise:

    Significance says: “If I accomplish enough, lead enough, impress enough, I’ll matter. I’ll finally be enough.”

    💀 The Spiritual Pitfall:

    • Performance-based identity.
    • Jealousy, comparison, and burnout.
    • Using people to build platforms rather than serving.
    • Shame when failure comes, or pride when success does.

    💎 The Call to Holiness:

    • Your worth is received, not achieved.
    • God delights in you as a son, not a performer.
    • Live for an audience of One.
    • Learn contentment and obscurity as a spiritual discipline.

    🕊 “Do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.” (Luke 10:20)

    🔻 3. Comfort – The Pitfall of Numbing the Soul

    “When a man seeks comfort over holiness, he trades eternal strength for temporary escape.”

    💥 The False Promise:

    Comfort says: “You deserve to check out. Take the path of least resistance. Avoid pain, challenge, and risk.”

    💀 The Spiritual Pitfall:

    • Laziness in spiritual disciplines.
    • Addictions and escapism (porn, food, media, fantasy).
    • Avoidance of hard conversations, calling, or sacrifice.
    • Shallow roots—can’t withstand storms.

    💎 The Call to Holiness:

    • Jesus didn’t promise comfort, but a cross (Luke 9:23).
    • Endurance produces character; character brings hope (Romans 5:3–5).
    • Growth often comes through struggle, not ease.
    • Real joy is found on the other side of obedience.

    🕊 “Woe to you who are comfortable in Zion…” (Amos 6:1)
    🕊 “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his sons.” (Hebrews 12:7)

    ⚔️ Summary: Three False Kings

    IdolFalse PromiseReal CostPath to Holiness
    Control“If I manage everything, I’ll be safe.”Anxiety, isolation, prideSurrender to God’s leadership
    Significance“If I succeed, I’ll be enough.”Insecurity, burnout, comparisonReceive your identity as God’s beloved
    Comfort“If I avoid pain, I’ll be happy.”Stagnation, addiction, emptinessEmbrace the cross and discipline

    ✝️ Final Thought:

    “These three temptations—control, significance, and comfort—mirror the temptations Jesus faced in the wilderness (Luke 4). He chose obedience over comfort, sonship over significance, and trust over control. Becoming a man of God means doing the same.”

  • Healing, Hope, and Growth: A Christ-Centered Path Forward

    Healing, Hope, and Growth: A Christ-Centered Path Forward

    Life comes with trials—some external, others internal. Yet the Bible reminds us: “The testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:3-4)

    Suffering isn’t wasted in God’s economy. It builds character. It draws us into the peace and hope that only Christ can offer. But this transformation requires intentional healing and discipleship through the Word of God, the Holy Spirit, and the social support of the Church.

    Authentic Discipleship Begins With Us

    Before we can minister to others effectively, we must first be shaped by the very truths we proclaim. If we don’t apply Scripture deeply in our own lives, we lose authenticity—and our witness suffers. Practicing what we preach is not legalism—it’s integrity.

    We should challenge ourselves and others to begin memorizing important verses, especially if we don’t yet have a “memory bank” of Scripture to draw from. God’s Word transforms our minds and heals our hearts.

    Spot the Signs: Sin, Suffering, and the Root

    Helping others means learning to discern. Many people carry emotional wounds masked by vices or outward symptoms of sin. Depression, anger, or addiction can signal deeper issues. Rather than just treating the symptoms, we must seek the root.

    Part of this process means challenging perceptions shaped by the world or by internalized lies. Many believers live with condemnation, shame, and self-defeating thoughts. But Romans 8:1 tells us, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

    Yes, victims and survivors need to set boundaries. And yes, feelings of pain are normal. It’s okay to admit hurt—but we shouldn’t dwell forever in despair. The enemy wants to steal our joy, but Christ offers renewal.

    Encourage Spiritual Disciplines

    One way to build resilience and hope is through spiritual disciplines. These include:

    • Daily prayer
    • Bible reading and meditation
    • Journaling
    • Worship and fasting
    • Silence and solitude
    • Serving others

    Encourage others to engage in these practices regularly. For those who struggle to express emotions in person, suggest writing a letter—sometimes clarity and healing come through written words.

    Listen Before You Speak

    Most of our communication is non-verbal—tone and body language often matter more than words. That’s why listening well is a deeply spiritual act. It involves:

    • Making eye contact
    • Asking thoughtful questions
    • Avoiding distractions (especially phones)
    • Clarifying what someone says before offering solutions
    • Letting them know you care without rushing them

    Social media often erodes intimacy. Real connection requires presence.

    And after listening? Then respond—with grace, truth, and compassion.

    Respect confidentiality unless there’s an emergency or danger involved. People need to know they’re safe.

    Grow Together, Love Deeply

    None of us have it all figured out. We all need to grow—whether in patience, relational maturity, emotional regulation, or spiritual depth. Let’s give each other grace in the process.

    No one is always right—but everyone can be loved. The Church is a place for healing, not perfection.

    Share Truth Gently

    Some people may be angry at God. Others resist Scripture. That’s okay. You don’t have to argue. Often, people are open to prayer, even if they aren’t ready to hear a sermon. Let them know you’re praying for them. Share Scripture gently, in love.

    Help people be honest—with themselves, with others, and most importantly, with God. There’s no healing without truth.

    Identity: The Anchor in Every Storm

    In a world obsessed with self-identification, the most life-giving identity is being a follower of Jesus. Through Him, we are adopted into God’s family, chosen and loved. That truth changes everything.

    Let’s show the world the hope of redemption—not just through words, but through our presence, listening, truth, and love.

  • The Sacred Burden: Learning to Love Through Pain

    The Sacred Burden: Learning to Love Through Pain

    In a world filled with addiction, mental illness, broken families, death, disease, and hardship, the church is not meant to be a museum of saints—it is a hospital for sinners. Jesus didn’t avoid the broken; He moved toward them. He healed the blind, comforted the possessed, stood up for the adulterous woman, and walked alongside the hurting. As His followers, we’re called to do the same.

    We Are Comforted to Comfort Others

    The comfort we receive from God isn’t meant to stop with us—it’s meant to overflow. As Paul writes, “God comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:4). Our suffering, and the comfort we receive through it, can become someone else’s hope.

    Pain is a teacher. It refines, shapes, and prepares us to walk beside others. Only those who have known deep sorrow can truly relate to others in their grief. God doesn’t waste our pain or our broken past—He redeems it.

    Burdens vs. Loads

    Scripture tells us to “carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2). But just two verses later, Paul says, “each one should carry their own load.” What’s the difference?

    A burden is something heavy, overwhelming—grief, mental illness, deep trauma. A load is more like a backpack—daily responsibilities, personal work, decisions. We are called to help with burdens, but not to remove someone’s load entirely. To carry someone’s load for them can do more harm than good, robbing them of the growth God intends.

    Care requires discernment. It’s a privilege to walk with others, not to “fix” them, but to love them. As one friend might say, “I can’t fix you, but I can point you to someone who can.”

    It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

    Church should be a safe place to bring brokenness. But too often, the wounded feel unwelcome. The truth is, divorce happens in the church just as outside it. So does depression, trauma, and dysfunction. Let’s break the silence: It’s okay to not be okay.

    Everyone has coping strategies: some avoid pain, others beg for relief, some cry, some manipulate, some people-please their way into toxic relationships. These behaviors are often attempts to earn love or protect from further hurt. But love isn’t earned—it’s given.

    We must treat emotions with respect. Crying releases stress. Tears can heal. Grief is not a flaw—it’s a human response to loss. There is no single way to grieve. It takes courage, time, and companions.

    Gifts of the Spirit and the Art of Caring

    Some are gifted in mercy, discernment, compassion, evangelism, or exhortation. These spiritual gifts are essential in a community of healing. But all of us are called to be teachable, to be lifelong learners, and to walk humbly as fellow travelers.

    Caring for others isn’t a checklist—it’s a calling. People are not tasks to be solved, but souls to be loved. That means protecting confidentiality, rejecting gossip, and refusing to use someone else’s pain to resolve our own. True maturity shows up in our willingness to be present without control.

    Practical Love in a Broken World

    Look around: the homeless, the mentally ill, the elderly, foster children, prisoners, single moms, the disabled. These are not charity projects—they are beloved. Jesus’ mission was to proclaim good news to the poor, freedom to prisoners, recovery of sight to the blind, and liberty to the oppressed (Luke 4:18).

    We are partners with God, not saviors. He does the healing—we simply show up with love. Help people process their emotions and point them to Jesus. That’s enough.

    Final Thoughts: Love Like Christ

    To love like Christ is to walk alongside others—not above them. It is to bear burdens, not rescue; to serve, not fix; to be available, not invasive. And always, always, to trust that all things work together for good—not because pain is good, but because God is.

    So take heart. You are loved. You are adopted by God. And the grace that found you is the same grace you now carry to others.

  • Analyzing how Christians and other humans achieve their fullest potential through the lens of active accomplishment and simply being at one with creation

    This post combines previous concepts into Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It’s best to read these next two previous blogs and then the below introduction to maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and then read the analysis that integrates them into a coherent whole. This post is heavy in analysis, that gives food for spiritual thought.

    **Sacred Stillness: A Framework for Flourishing through Presence, Boundaries, and Renewal**
    https://thelawoflovebook.com/2025/06/21/289/

    The nature of love, and the nature of accomplishment and the nature of simply being at one with creation
    https://thelawoflovebook.com/2025/06/03/is-love-inherently-self-sacrificial-in-ndes-and-christianity-and-is-it-more-about-being-or-doing/

    Maslow, Sacred Stillness, and the Purpose to Be vs. Do

    🧱 Introduction: What Is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?

    Abraham Maslow, a humanistic psychologist, proposed a simple but profound idea: humans are driven by a hierarchy of needs, a layered pyramid of motivations that begin with physical survival and ascend toward personal and spiritual fulfillment. The five classic levels, later expanded to six, are:

    1. Physiological needs: food, water, sleep, shelter
    2. Safety needs: stability, security, health
    3. Love and belonging: relationships, connection, community
    4. Esteem: respect, self-worth, accomplishment
    5. Self-actualization: realizing your full potential
    6. Transcendence: connecting with something greater than yourself

    Maslow believed each level must be reasonably satisfied before the next becomes a priority. But life isn’t always linear, and spiritual insights often complicate this sequence in illuminating ways.

    🌿 Sacred Stillness Within Maslow’s Pyramid

    Sacred Stillness is the state of withdrawing from the noise of life to reconnect with your deepest self, God, or simply the moment. It includes:

    • Carefree timelessness
    • Boundaries
    • Solitude and prayer
    • The healing power of presence

    How It Maps onto Maslow:

    Maslow LevelSacred Stillness Connection
    PhysiologicalStillness allows for rest, digestion, and physical recovery
    SafetyBoundaries create emotional and psychological safety
    Love & BelongingCarefree timelessness deepens true intimacy
    EsteemWithdrawing to reflect strengthens self-worth and autonomy
    Self-actualizationStillness is the soil where authenticity and purpose grow
    TranscendenceSilence and solitude open us to divine union or higher truth

    🛠️ The Purpose to Do: A Performance-Driven Climb

    The “Purpose to Do” approach sees each level as something to accomplish:

    • Provide for yourself
    • Achieve stability
    • Earn love through action
    • Prove your worth
    • Discover your mission
    • Serve a higher cause

    This model works well in many life contexts—but it can also lead to burnout, perfectionism, and spiritual dryness if not rooted in deeper being.

    🔄 Being vs. Doing Within the Hierarchy

    Let’s contrast both models through Maslow’s lens:

    LevelSacred Stillness (Being)Purpose to Do (Doing)
    PhysiologicalRest, embodiment, mindful eatingHustle to earn basic resources
    SafetyEmotional boundaries, spiritual trustBuild walls, control everything
    Love & BelongingPresence, joy in connection without utilityPeople-pleasing, performative love
    EsteemRooted confidence from inner clarityAchievement, status, approval
    Self-actualizationIntuition, surrender, contemplationProductivity, mastery, impact
    TranscendenceMystical union, awe, worshipHeroic service, changing the world

    ❤️ Is Love Sacrificial? Being or Doing?

    In Christianity, love is often shown through sacrifice: “Greater love has no one than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). Love is something you do, often at great cost.

    In NDE (Near-Death Experience) accounts, love is often experienced as something you are. It’s not earned or performed. You return not just to love others, but to embody love.

    But in both systems:

    • Being love leads to doing love.
    • The doing becomes natural, not forced.

    So:

    • Doing alone can exhaust or distort love.
    • Being alone can become self-contained or passive.
    • Integrated love: Being fuels doing; doing expresses being.

    🎨 Artist vs. Saint: A Vocation of Being or Doing?

    ArchetypeRooted InStrengthsPitfalls
    ArtistBeingExpresses beauty, visionIsolation, detachment
    SaintDoingEmbodies compassion, sacrificeBurnout, martyr complex
    IntegratedBeing and DoingLoves from a place of fullnessGrounded, sustainable vocation

    🔔 Final Reflection

    Being is the root. Doing is the fruit.

    Maslow gives us a map for human growth. But if we only climb through striving, we miss the point. The pyramid isn’t a ladder to conquer—it’s a space to inhabit with love.

    Love is not merely self-sacrifice, though it often includes it. Love is not just presence, though it flows from it.

    Love is who we are. And from that place of sacred stillness, we move.

  • Sacred Stillness: A Framework for Flourishing through Presence, Boundaries, and Renewal

    **Sacred Stillness: A Framework for Flourishing through Presence, Boundaries, and Renewal**

    Here’s a synthesis that weaves together **Matthew Kelly’s “carefree timelessness,” the philosophy of “just being,” healthy boundaries, and the example of Jesus withdrawing for solitude**, into one cohesive spiritual-psychological framework:—### 🌿

    At the heart of the good life—emotionally, spiritually, and relationally—is **presence**. Matthew Kelly’s idea of *carefree timelessness* points to those moments where we are fully alive, untethered from the clock, and immersed in **love, rest, or joy**. These moments are often:

    * Unscheduled but meaningful

    * Rooted in deep connection (to others, God, or self)

    * Undisturbed by performance pressure or productivity metrics

    #### 🧘 “Just Being” and the Depth of Meaning

    This overlaps beautifully with the spiritual insight that **meaning can be found in “just being.”** Not everything needs to be fixed, earned, or accomplished. Simply **being present**—to yourself, to another, to the beauty around you—is enough. This echoes:

    * **Mystical Christianity**: “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

    * **Existentialism**: Finding meaning not just in action but in *existence*

    * **Positive psychology**: Flow states and mindful presence increase well-being

    But for presence to be sustainable and healing, it must be protected.

    ### 🚪 Boundaries: The Gatekeepers of Inner Peace

    Without boundaries, we are pulled into other people’s chaos, expectations, and demands. We become **chronically reactive**, not present. Boundaries are not about selfishness; they are about **preserving the sacred space where love, connection, and being can flourish.*** Emotionally, boundaries allow us to remain *whole*.* Spiritually, they give us space to hear God and rest in grace.* Relationally, they create healthy dynamics where mutual respect can grow.**Even Jesus—infinitely compassionate—had boundaries:

    *** He withdrew to pray alone, often early or in hidden places.

    * He didn’t heal everyone who asked.

    * He let the rich young ruler walk away.

    * He challenged the codependency of those who only sought miracles.In doing so, he modeled that **divine love does not mean infinite availability**.—

    ### 🔄 The Integration: A Life of Rhythmic Presence

    To integrate these ideas, think in terms of **rhythm**—an intentional alternation between engagement and withdrawal:

    | Mode | What It Cultivates || ————————— | ————————————————- || **Carefree Timelessness** | Intimacy, joy, play, emotional presence ||

    **Just Being** | Meaning, peace, self-acceptance, awareness of God ||

    **Healthy Boundaries** | Sustainability, clarity, freedom from resentment ||

    **Withdrawing to Recharge** | Renewal, discernment, spiritual depth |Together, they form a life that is:

    * **Spiritually grounded**

    * **Emotionally intelligent***

    **Mentally clear***

    **Relationally healthy**—

    ### ✨ In Practice:* Schedule time for **unstructured presence**—with a loved one or with God.* Honor your limits without guilt. Say no to preserve space for *being*.* View rest and solitude not as laziness, but as *sacred preparation* for love and service.* Notice when your spirit feels *crowded*, and reclaim your inner stillness.—

    ### Final ThoughtYou were made not just to *do*, but to *be*. And being—when honored with boundaries, practiced with presence, and nourished in love—is where your deepest meaning is found.