Understanding Negative Near-Death Experiences (NNDEs) and the Role of Morality, Psychology, and Incongruence

When people experience negative near-death experiences (NNDEs), they often report feelings of fear, darkness, or isolation. These experiences raise an important question: are they caused mainly by psychology (how we feel and think), morality (how we live), or something deeper?

Here’s a simple, organized way to understand it.

1. The Psychological View

Some researchers (like Greyson and Ring) say NNDEs reflect a person’s mental and emotional state at death.
For example, if someone feels scared, guilty, or hopeless, their NDE might be frightening.
Key idea: morality only matters if it affects emotions. If a person does bad things but feels calm or unaware of guilt, they might avoid a negative experience.

Example: A person who has been mean to others but doesn’t feel guilty might not feel fear during an NDE.

2. The Moral-Spiritual Connection

Many spiritual traditions — Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism — say that our actions shape our inner state, which affects what we experience at death.
Doing bad things repeatedly can damage our inner peace, love, and openness, even if we don’t consciously feel guilty.
In this view, morality and psychology aren’t separate — our choices shape who we are inside, and that shows up in an NDE.

Analogy: Gravity doesn’t care if you smile while jumping off a cliff — morality shapes reality in a similar way.

3. The Role of Incongruence

Here’s the unique insight I’ve developed: incongruence.

Definition: Incongruence happens when someone knows what is right (their conscience) but chooses to do wrong.
This gap between knowing and doing creates inner conflict, guilt, shame, or fear.
Over time, incongruence can fracture a person’s inner world, which is often what negative NDEs reflect.

Important nuances:

Some “bad” people who don’t realize they are doing wrong may not experience negative NDEs because they are congruent with their worldview.
Some “good” people may still experience frightening NDEs if they struggle with fear, attachment, or unresolved inner conflict.
Grace or mercy can sometimes heal incongruence, allowing even flawed people to experience positive NDEs.

Summary: NNDEs are not punishment. They are more like a mirror showing the state of a person’s inner life.

4. Four Ways People Explain NNDEs

Here’s a simple spectrum from purely psychological to deeply spiritual:

Approach	Explanation of NNDEs	How incongruence fits
Psychological	NNDEs reflect emotions and mindset at death.	Incongruence shows why guilt and inner conflict create fear.
Hybrid (Psychology + Morality)	Wrongdoing shapes inner state, which shapes NDEs.	Incongruence pinpoints exactly why moral choices affect psychology.
Moral-Spiritual	Inner alignment with truth/love matters. Wrongdoing separates you from goodness.	Incongruence explains how conscious violations fracture the soul.
Radical Grace	God’s or universal love can override inner flaws, offering mercy.	Incongruence shows where grace heals inner conflict, not just rewards or punishes.

5. Simple Takeaways

NNDEs are mirrors, not punishments. They reflect your inner state at the threshold of death.
Psychology matters, but morality shapes psychology. What you do repeatedly affects who you become inside.
Incongruence is key. Deliberately doing what you know is wrong fractures your inner life, making negative experiences more likely.
Ignorance or grace can lessen fear. Someone unaware of wrongdoing may avoid a negative experience, and mercy can heal even fractured inner states.

Analogy: Think of your inner life like a mirror. A clean, honest, and whole mirror reflects light beautifully. A cracked or dirty mirror distorts what it reflects. Incongruence is what cracks the mirror.

How Christian Theology Fits In

Christianity gives us a rich way to understand this through its teaching on sin and grave matter.

A. Sin

A sin happens when someone knowingly and intentionally chooses to do what they recognize as wrong.
It has three parts:

You know something is wrong.
You intend to do it anyway.
You actually do it.

This kind of act goes directly against the light of conscience — it’s a form of incongruence.

B. Grave Matter

Christian teaching also recognizes grave matter — actions that are seriously wrong in themselves, whether or not the person fully understands or intends it.
Examples might include acts of cruelty, betrayal, or destruction of life.
Grave matter speaks to the objective side of morality — what is truly wrong — while sin speaks to the personal and subjective side — knowing something is wrong and doing it anyway.

So, in this picture:

Sin affects your psychology — your inner peace and sense of connection.
Grave matter affects your spiritual alignment — your relationship to what is right and true, even if you don’t feel guilty.

When NDE researchers say morality can affect the NDE, you can think of it like this:

Grave matter affects the spiritual tone of the NDE.
Sin (and thus incongruence) affects the psychological tone of the NDE.

The Mirror Analogy

Imagine your soul is like a mirror that reflects divine light.
When you live truthfully, that mirror stays clear — the light shines through easily.
But when you live with incongruence — when you knowingly choose darkness — the mirror cracks or clouds over.

It’s not that God’s light disappears. The light is still shining.
But the cracks in the mirror distort it.
That’s why Jesus said:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. […] This is the condemnation: that light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light.” (John 3:16)

In NDE accounts, this “condemnation” often feels like self-judgment, not external punishment. People report seeing their lives replayed — feeling the effects of their actions from others’ perspectives. Many say they judge themselves in that light, realizing the ways they turned away from love. (It’s also important to note, that NDEs might just be a porch to the afterlife, where the afterlife itself is different than what NDEs teach, and in christian theology, the final judgment may also be different than the judgment encountered in NDEs. )

So in this model:

God doesn’t need to punish — we face the truth of who we’ve become.
The light of truth reveals the cracks — our own incongruence.

Grace and Redemption

But Christian theology also says the story doesn’t end there.
The light isn’t there to destroy — it’s there to heal.
When people in NDEs call out for help, surrender, or turn toward the light, the darkness often fades and they are lifted into peace and love.

That moment of turning — from self-centeredness to love, from darkness to light — mirrors repentance and grace in Christian teaching.
It shows that no matter how cracked the mirror becomes, the light is always ready to shine through again.

As 1 John 1:5–7 says:

“God is light; in him there is no darkness at all… if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus purifies us from all sin.”

In both NDE and theology, this turning toward the light represents healing congruence — the reuniting of the person’s soul with love, truth, and God.

In Simple Terms

Doing wrong damages your peace.
Living against your conscience breaks inner unity.
At death, the truth of who you are becomes visible.
The light isn’t out to punish — it’s there to reveal and heal.

So in this model, heaven and hell aren’t just places — they’re conditions of the soul.
They begin now, as we choose either light or darkness, truth or deception, love or selfishness.
And the NDE, in many ways, simply shows us the mirror of that choice.

Final Reflection

Your life shapes your consciousness, your consciousness shapes your death experience, and your choices shape your eternal direction.
As Jesus said, “The kingdom of God is within you.” (Luke 17:21)

Living with integrity — in alignment with what we know is true and good — keeps the soul congruent with light.
And when the moment comes to face that light fully, the more we have practiced love, humility, and honesty, the more clearly that light will shine through us.

Tag: healing