The Law of Love

Tag: marriage

  • Loving Relationships: Finding Fulfillment in God and One Another. Insights on single life, married life, parenthood, church life, and friendships.

    We are created for relationship. Both Scripture and countless NDE testimonies affirm that love and connection are at the very heart of existence. In fact, the message of the gospel is that God reconciles us to Himself through Christ so that we can live in love with Him and with one another. People who have had near-death experiences often report that, in the presence of God, what matters most is not wealth, status, or achievements, but the love we’ve given and received in relationships.

    That love flows into four key areas of life: single life, married life, church life, and parenthood.

    1. Single Life

    • Singleness can be a gift, though it often comes with struggles. Sometimes you can’t fix other people—so you must focus on allowing God to shape you first.
    • Many singles worry too much about “the next phase” of life, but Scripture reminds us that today is the day of salvation (2 Cor. 6:2). God has a purpose for you now.
    • Contentment is crucial: the grass isn’t greener on the other side. Married people often long for singleness, while singles long for marriage. Paul even said that each has its advantages (1 Cor. 7).
    • Don’t focus on “finding the one”—focus on becoming the one. Before finding your partner, you must discover your purpose and identity in God. Ephesians 2:10 says you were “created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand.” There may be accidental parents, but there are no accidental children. You are here on purpose.
    • When you make God the center of your life, He can then be the center of any future relationship.
    • Who you marry (apart from following Christ Himself) is the single most important decision you will make. Prepare wisely: get your life in order before entering a lifelong covenant.
    • Remember: marriage doesn’t fix you—it magnifies who you already are. If there are problems in dating, they won’t disappear in marriage; they’ll multiply.
    • The goal is to find satisfaction in God first, so that your future relationship flows from wholeness, not from emptiness.

    Near-death experiences often highlight a profound truth: in the presence of God, what endures is not our social status, relationship title, or marital status, but the love we’ve shared and the character we’ve developed. Singles may find encouragement in this perspective—your value is not measured by your relationship status but by how fully you embody God’s love now. NDE accounts frequently describe a sense of timelessness and eternal connection with God, reminding us that singleness is an opportunity to cultivate a heart that loves freely and intentionally. Biblically, Jesus affirms that in the next life, people are “neither married nor given in marriage” (Matt. 22:30), indicating that earthly relational roles are temporary, while love itself is eternal. Therefore, whether single now or forever, investing in love, faithfulness, and spiritual growth aligns your life with the eternal reality revealed in both Scripture and NDE testimonies.

    2. Married Life

    The Bible says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled” (Heb. 13:4). Jesus affirmed: “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matt. 19:6).

    Marriage is a covenant, not just a contract. It requires foundations:

    1. Seek God First. God comes first, then spouse, then children, then extended family. A couple that prays together stays together. Don’t just pray for your spouse, pray with them.
    2. Fight Fair. Couples will disagree, but healthy couples fight for resolution, not for victory. Avoid words like “you always” or “you never.” Don’t attack character. Never use the word “divorce” as a weapon. Scripture reminds us: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19).
    3. Have Fun. Laughter and joy are part of love. Have regular date nights, plan day trips, and schedule vacations together. Make your home a place where your spouse is glad to arrive and sad to leave.
    4. Stay Pure. Boundaries safeguard love. Transparency about texting, internet use, and friendships with the opposite sex helps build trust. Jesus warned that the intention to commit adultery itself is adultery of the heart (Matt. 5:28) even if the act isn’t committed, so purity is both external and internal.
    5. Never Give Up. A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. “Love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8).

    Grounds for divorce (according to Scripture): adultery (Matt. 19:9), abuse (implied in God’s concern for justice and protection of the vulnerable, or in how serious abuse is similar to being married to an unbeliever), or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Cor. 7:15).

    Recommended resource: From This Day Forward by Craig Groeschel.


    Marriage in this life can be a profound expression of God’s love, a partnership in which two people reflect Christ’s self-giving toward the church. NDEs often underscore that true relational fulfillment is measured not by what we own or achieve together, but by the depth of care, forgiveness, and joy we cultivate. While marriage magnifies our human struggles and virtues, it also offers a unique training ground for unconditional love that echoes into eternity. Biblically, Jesus teaches that marriage is not a permanent status in the afterlife (Matt. 22:30), yet the love cultivated within marriage—the patience, sacrifice, and fidelity—reflects eternal principles of God’s kingdom. Couples who nurture love grounded in God’s presence are not only building a harmonious earthly union but are also preparing hearts that resonate with the eternal, self-giving love that transcends earthly institutions.

    3. Church Life

    Our relationship with the church influences all others. We are the bride of Christ (Eph. 5:25–27), and the local church is the crucible where we grow. Scripture warns us not to “forsake gathering together” (Heb. 10:25).

    • Christianity is personal, but never private. We are called into fellowship, where we learn to pray, worship, serve, and use our spiritual gifts.
    • The church is not a museum for saints but a hospital for sinners. Imperfect, but still beautiful.
    • When we attend church, three things happen:
    1. We experience God’s presence. Yes, God is everywhere, but He manifests uniquely when His people gather.
    2. We experience God’s power. Jesus said, “If two of you agree on earth about anything, it will be done” (Matt. 18:19). In Acts, when believers gathered, thousands were saved.
    3. We unite with God’s people. In His final prayer before the cross, Jesus prayed for our unity (John 17).
    • We must lay aside prideful preferences—style of music, length of service, atmosphere. Church is not about “me,” it’s about Him.
    • Even when we’ve had a terrible week, that’s more reason to go.
    • The church needs you, and you need the church. Paul wrote to many local churches, but they were all part of the one big “C” Church.

    Near-death experiences often echo this truth: people see multitudes gathered in worship, experiencing joy, unity, and love in the presence of God. Church is a foretaste of that eternal fellowship.

    4. Parenthood

    Parenting is one of the hardest yet most rewarding callings. Children don’t come with a manual—but God’s Word provides wisdom.

    • “The days are long, but the years are short.” Treasure the moments, because they fly by.
    • Parenting requires intentionality. Ask: What kind of people do I want my children to become? Who will disciple them—me or the world?
    • Three goals of parenting on purpose:
    1. Children should love God and rely on Jesus.
    2. Children should love their family, finding home to be a safe, joyful environment.
    3. Children should love the church, knowing it will outlast every other institution.

    Faith must be the foundation of everything. Your example will speak louder than your words. “They don’t need a motto, they need a model.”

    Practical steps:

    • Share family dinners, where faith and conversation flow.
    • Fill the home with life-giving music and encouragement.
    • Don’t focus only on behavior modification; aim for the heart. Legalism breeds rebellion, but love draws children to God.
    • Make your home a place of rest, laughter, and memory-making. Life is not measured in minutes, but moments.
    • Teach by example: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Josh. 24:15).

    NDE accounts often highlight the life review, where people see the eternal impact of how they treated others—especially children entrusted to their care. Parenting, then, is not only about raising kids but about shaping eternal souls.

    Your greatest vocation may not be your career, but your children.

    5. Christian Friendship

    Friendship is one of God’s sweetest gifts. Jesus Himself called His disciples “friends” (John 15:15), showing us that love expressed through companionship is central to the Christian life. While marriage and family may not be everyone’s path, friendship in Christ is available to all—and it sustains us in ways nothing else can.

    Christian friendships are different from ordinary ones because they are rooted in the shared pursuit of God. Proverbs says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Prov. 27:17). A true friend doesn’t simply affirm us, but challenges us, prays with us, and reminds us of who we are in Christ.

    Practical wisdom for Christian friendship:

    • Be intentional. Friendships don’t grow automatically. Make time to share meals, conversations, and life together.
    • Be honest. A good friend speaks truth in love (Eph. 4:15). Don’t hide behind masks—confess struggles and share victories.
    • Be loyal. Scripture teaches that “a friend loves at all times” (Prov. 17:17). Loyalty through trials reflects God’s steadfast love.
    • Be prayerful. Pray for and with your friends. Friendship deepens when it is lifted continually before the throne of God.

    Near-death experiences often affirm the eternal nature of love shared in friendship. Some report being greeted by friends who had gone before them, reminding us that bonds formed in Christ endure beyond the grave. Friendships rooted in faith are not only for this life, but a foretaste of the fellowship we will enjoy forever in the presence of God.

    Whether single or married, young or old, we need friends who point us back to Jesus. Friendships grounded in Christ don’t just make life sweeter—they make us holier.

    ✨ Summary:
    Relationships—whether single, married, in the church, or as parents—are all opportunities to practice love, the currency of eternity. The gospel, and countless NDE testimonies, remind us that in the end, what matters most is not what we have accomplished but how well we have loved.

  • How the church fathers and modern theologians handle extra-marital sex – especially considering the Bible doesn’t necessarily explicitly prohibit it

    7. What Did the Early Church Teach?

    The early Church fathers generally taught that sex belonged within the covenant of marriage. For example, St. Augustine (4th century) held a very strict view, believing that even within marriage, sex was tainted by lust unless it was solely for procreation. He considered celibacy superior to marriage and taught that premarital sex, being outside the sacramental bounds, was sinful. His ideas heavily shaped Western Christian sexual ethics.

    St. John Chrysostom, while affirming marriage and family life, also emphasized self-control and spiritual purity, warning against fornication (porneia). Yet even he recognized that marriage was not primarily for procreation or legal formality, but for love, mutual service, and spiritual partnership (see Homily 12 on Colossians).

    The Didache (late 1st or early 2nd century), an early Christian manual, condemns “fornication” along with idolatry and murder, but does not clearly define what “fornication” entails. Again, the term was understood broadly—covering adultery, incest, cultic prostitution, and sexual exploitation—but it likely included all non-marital sex by assumption, even if not by specific definition.

    So yes, early Christians leaned strongly toward reserving sex for marriage—but their rationale was largely based on the need for moral order, community integrity, and spiritual discipline in a pagan culture saturated with abuse, exploitation, and moral chaos.

    8. What Are Modern Christians Saying?

    Today, Christians across traditions continue to wrestle with this issue. Many still hold the traditional view—that sex is only appropriate in a committed, covenanted marriage between one man and one woman. But others are asking deeper questions, especially in light of:

    • The absence of explicit prohibitions against premarital sex in the Bible.
    • The complexity of modern relationships, where people date for years, often with deep emotional, spiritual, and physical connection.
    • The harm caused by shame-based purity culture, which often taught that a person’s worth was tied to sexual “purity,” especially for women.

    Some progressive theologians argue that if a sexual relationship is marked by mutual consent, emotional commitment, honesty, and spiritual integrity, it may not violate biblical ethics—even if it takes place before formal marriage. They point to texts like Romans 13:10: “Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” If love is present, the law is not transgressed.

    Others, while maintaining a traditional ethic, admit the conversation is not as clear-cut as once thought. Tim Keller, a well-known Reformed pastor, upheld sex within marriage but acknowledged in his sermons that many Christians don’t understand why the Bible seems to limit sex to marriage—often reducing the teaching to rule-following rather than spiritual reflection on covenant, trust, and vulnerability.

    9. A Balanced Conclusion

    The biblical narrative places sex within the broader context of covenant, mutual giving, and sacred union. It warns against lust, exploitation, and impurity—not because sex is bad, but because sex is powerful, formative, and deeply connected to our spiritual lives.

    Still, it’s true: the Bible does not say “premarital sex is a sin” in so many words. Nor does it treat all non-marital sex as equally sinful or categorize it with the same moral weight. It leaves us with principles more than precise rules.

    So what do we do with that?

    We walk carefully. With humility. With reverence for God, respect for others, and an awareness that not everything lawful is beneficial (1 Corinthians 10:23). Rather than asking simply, “Is this allowed?”, perhaps we should ask:

    Does this relationship honor the dignity of both people?
    Does it express faithful, sacrificial love?
    Does it reflect God’s desire for wholeness, intimacy, and truth?

    That’s not fancy footwork. That’s spiritual maturity.

  • Rethinking Extramarital Sex Through a Biblical Lens

    Rethinking Extramarital Sex Through a Biblical Lens

    When it comes to the ethics of extramarital sex, many Christians default to the idea that the Bible clearly prohibits all sexual activity outside of marriage. But a closer look at Scripture reveals a more nuanced picture—one that invites reflection rather than rigid assumption.

    1. Lust vs. Desire

    Jesus taught that lust is sinful: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). The Greek word translated “lust” is epithumeō, which often carries the meaning of covetousness or inordinate desire—a grasping attitude that treats others as objects of gratification rather than persons made in God’s image.

    Importantly, the context of Jesus’ teaching is adultery, not just any unlawful or disordered sexual desire. If Jesus had meant all forms of sexual desire outside of marriage, He likely would have said so more broadly. But here, He’s specifically intensifying the commandment against adultery by showing that the desire itself—if indulged—is already spiritually adulterous. In other words, just because someone doesn’t physically commit the act doesn’t mean their heart is clean. The implication is: “You didn’t technically commit adultery with your body, but you would have if you could have.” It’s about disordered intention and inward desire, not merely outward action. Jesus is exposing the deeper heart-level corruption that the law alone couldn’t fully address

    Importantly, not all sexual desire falls under this category. Desire itself is not condemned in Scripture—only desire that disrespects boundaries or lacks love and covenant. This suggests that some forms of premarital sexual attraction or activity may not be inherently sinful, depending on the heart, context, and relational integrity involved.

    2. What Fornication Really Means

    Paul often warns against “fornication,” translated from the Greek porneia (e.g., 1 Thessalonians 4:3). Yet this term historically referred not simply to “sex before marriage” as we define it today, but more broadly to unlawful or exploitative sexual acts, such as incest (Leviticus 18), temple prostitution, adultery, and abuse.

    The Bible does not explicitly define porneia as all premarital sex. Instead, it condemns sexual relationships that violate divine order, justice, or covenant. So while premarital sex might sometimes fall under this category, it isn’t automatically equated with porneia in the biblical text.

    3. Becoming One Flesh

    Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Paul reaffirms this in Ephesians 5:31, applying it to the sanctity of marital union. Sex is portrayed here as something deeply unifying—both physically and spiritually.

    But does “one flesh” only apply to marriage? Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 6:16: “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body?”—clearly showing that becoming “one flesh” can occur even outside the marriage covenant. Rather than proving such sex is sacred, Paul’s point is that sex has profound consequences, whether marital or not. This supports the idea that sex is never casual or meaningless—but it also shows the Bible acknowledges the spiritual impact of sex beyond marriage.

    4. Marriage as a Remedy, Not a Requirement

    Paul writes: “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). Here, Paul is addressing a practical issue in the Corinthian church. His advice seems pastoral more than doctrinal: if you can’t remain celibate, marriage is a good, stabilizing path.

    He adds in verse 9: “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Yet, he doesn’t define what “burning with passion” precisely means—whether it’s lust, general desire, or emotional longing. Nor does he say that those who “burn” and don’t marry are thereby sinning. He simply offers a wise way to live in wholeness, recognizing human weakness and need.

    5. What the Bible Doesn’t Say

    Despite centuries of strong teaching against premarital sex, it’s striking that no verse explicitly states that all sex before marriage is a sin. This silence is significant. While the Bible is clear about the sacredness of sex and the dangers of lust, exploitation, and adultery, it never directly declares consensual, loving premarital sex as morally forbidden.

    The same can be said of masturbation—a topic not directly addressed in any moral or legal prohibition in Scripture. Though often condemned by tradition, the biblical texts don’t weigh in definitively.

    6. Conclusion: Walking Carefully

    To be clear, this isn’t a free pass to treat sex casually. Scripture consistently upholds sex as sacred, relational, and spiritually powerful. It warns against selfishness, exploitation, and anything that dehumanizes. But within that framework, the biblical witness may be less rigid than often assumed.

    Yes, many would argue the implication of Scripture is that sex belongs within marriage—and that’s a reasonable interpretation. But it’s equally fair to note that the lack of explicit condemnation invites thoughtful dialogue and discernment. Especially when love, honesty, and mutual respect are present, we may need to look beyond blanket rules and ask: What kind of relationship honors the image of God in both people?

    For more on how the Bible and Christianity and science treat sexual relations as a spiritual act, check out my other blog post.

    https://thelawoflovebook.com/2025/06/02/the-bible-might-not-explicitly-prohibit-premarital-sex-but-it-does-describe-sex-as-a-spiritual-act/

    For more on how the church fathers and modern theologians handle premarital sex, check out this other blog post

    https://thelawoflovebook.com/2025/06/30/how-the-church-fathers-and-modern-theologians-handle-extra-marital-sex-especially-considering-the-bible-doesnt-necessarily-explicitly-prohibit-it/