The Law of Love

Tag: mental-health

  • Open Hands or Closed Fists? Excessive worry versus healthy concern. Peace, Truth, and the Shape of Religious Belief

    ## Open Hands or Closed Fists? Excessive worry versus healthy concern. Peace, Truth, and the Shape of Religious Belief

    Many religious people seem to find deep peace in believing they have all the answers. The world makes sense. The moral landscape is mapped. God’s intentions are known, or at least confidently asserted. There is comfort in this—real comfort—and it would be dishonest to deny it.

    At the same time, some of us feel that truth is not found in finished systems but in the crevices: in ambiguity, tension, paradox, and unanswered questions. For us, certainty feels premature. Closure feels like a kind of loss. And yet, this posture raises an unsettling question: *Are we sabotaging our own peace by refusing to close the system?*

    This question is not merely philosophical. It touches psychology, spirituality, anxiety, and even our deepest fears about meaning, death, and what—if anything—lies beyond.

    —

    ### The Peace of Closure

    A closed religious worldview offers a particular kind of peace. Psychologically, it reduces uncertainty. It provides cognitive closure, moral clarity, and a strong narrative identity. You know where you stand, what matters, and how the story ends.

    This kind of peace is not fake. It stabilizes nervous systems. It lowers existential anxiety. It helps people endure suffering by situating it within a larger, coherent framework.

    But it comes at a cost.

    Closed systems tend to be brittle. When contradictions arise, doubt is often treated as a threat rather than an invitation. Questions become dangerous. Fear is externalized—onto outsiders, skeptics, or “the fallen.” The peace is real, but it is bounded. It depends on maintaining the walls.

    —

    ### The Restlessness of Openness

    An open religious or spiritual posture looks very different. It resists final answers. It treats belief as provisional, revisable, and incomplete. It values humility over certainty and sincerity over resolution.

    This posture is often where intellectual honesty, psychological depth, and genuine compassion live. It allows belief to breathe. It makes room for growth. It recognizes that human understanding is always partial.

    But openness is tiring.

    Living without closure places a continuous load on the nervous system. It requires tolerating ambiguity and resisting the instinct to “solve” oneself. For people prone to anxiety or deep introspection, openness can quietly morph into self-surveillance: *Am I congruent enough? Am I at peace enough? Am I aligned enough?*

    At that point, openness no longer serves truth—it fuels worry.

    —

    ### Worry, Trust, and Jesus’ Insight

    Jesus’ repeated admonition not to worry is often misread as a moral command, even a kind of sin. But psychologically and contextually, it reads more like compassion than condemnation.

    Worry is not rebellion; it is a protective system working overtime. It is concern that has lost agency and begun to spin. Calling excessive worry a sin adds guilt to anxiety and paradoxically increases the very vigilance Jesus was trying to release.

    A healthier framing—one that fits both psychology and the spirit of Jesus’ teaching—is this: **excessive worry is not a moral failure, but a negative habit of mind that erodes peace.** It is fear exceeding trust, not a lack of virtue.

    Importantly, trust here does not require certainty. It requires letting go of the belief that safety depends on having everything resolved.

    —

    ### Openness, Inner State, and the Fear of “Getting It Wrong”

    For some, this anxiety extends even further—into fears about death, near-death experiences, or the afterlife. If inner state shapes experience, then unresolved tension can start to feel dangerous. Incongruence becomes something to fix urgently, lest it lead to suffering later. (See my post about life reviews in near death experiences and the concept of ‘incongruence’)

    But psychologically, this is a misfire.

    Inner tension is not the same as inner dishonesty. Congruence does not mean resolution; it means sincerity. Human minds are built to hold contradiction. What destabilizes us is not openness, but the fear that openness itself is unsafe.

    Ironically, it is often those most concerned with goodness, truth, and integrity who worry most about these things. Their anxiety borrows religious language, but its engine is fear—not insight.

    —

    ### Two Kinds of Peace

    What emerges, then, is not a simple choice between open and closed belief, but between **two kinds of peace**.

    * **Closed peace** is the peace of answers. It is calming, efficient, and stabilizing, but limited and fragile.

    * **Open peace** is the peace of trust without closure. It is quieter, slower, and harder-won, but more resilient and ethically spacious.

    The tragedy is when openness tries to deliver the kind of peace only closure can provide. That mismatch leads to restlessness, self-critique, and chronic vigilance.

    The task is not to close the system—but to let the nervous system rest anyway.

    —

    ### Open Hands, Not Closed Fists

    Perhaps the deepest spiritual posture is neither rigid certainty nor endless questioning, but something simpler: open hands.

    Closed fists grasp answers to feel safe.

    Open hands trust that safety does not depend on grasping.

    Truth may indeed be found in the crevices—but peace is found when we stop fearing them.

    Religious belief does not have to be sealed shut to be meaningful. And it does not have to be resolved to be safe. Sometimes the most faithful act is not arriving at answers, but learning—again and again—to set the weight of worry down.

    Not because everything is known,

    but because it never needed to be.

  • Happiness as a way of life, not a prize, and how it relates to lessons from the afterlife and Christian spirituality

    Happiness as a Practice (Not a Prize)

    Happiness scientists reject the notion that happiness depends on ideal circumstances — perfect money, relationships, or status. Instead, they argue happiness is a practice: a set of small choices and habits, repeated over time, that quietly shape a life people genuinely love. (The Artful Parent)

    People who truly love their lives often aren’t the richest or most outwardly successful. What sets them apart is how they choose to live. (The Artful Parent)

    8 Key Habits of People Who Love Their Lives

    1. Gratitude is a daily ritual, not a once-in-a-while event
      Rather than rare, formal “thank-you’s,” these people make a habit of noticing small gifts: a calm morning, a good cup of coffee, meaningful conversation, a peaceful night of rest. Gratitude becomes a lens, guiding their attention to what’s already good instead of what’s missing. (The Artful Parent)
    2. They value progress over perfection
      Instead of chasing flawless lives, they focus on gradual improvement. Their motto might be “better is enough” — small, incremental steps that accumulate into real growth. This lightens the pressure of perfection and encourages steady, sustainable progress. (The Artful Parent)
    3. They simplify and reduce noise instead of always adding more
      Rather than piling on possessions, activities, or commitments, they subtract what’s unnecessary: draining relationships, unhelpful habits, clutter, external expectations. Their goal isn’t a “full” life, but a meaningful one — with space for what truly matters. (The Artful Parent)
    4. They invest in nourishing, supportive relationships
      Happiness isn’t about having lots of acquaintances. It’s about choosing carefully who you let close: friends, family, communities that encourage, support, and lift you, rather than drain you. Quality over quantity. (The Artful Parent)
    5. They build daily routines that anchor their lives
      Not overly rigid schedules, but simple rituals — morning coffee, a walk, journaling, a workout, mindfulness moments, a calming evening routine. These anchors provide stability and predictability, especially when life outside gets chaotic. (The Artful Parent)
    6. They let go of what they can’t control, and focus on what they can
      Instead of wasting emotional energy on others’ reactions, past mistakes, future uncertainties, or external validation, they direct their attention to what’s within their control: their habits, attitudes, environment, responses. Letting go becomes a path to emotional freedom — not giving up, but self-protection. (The Artful Parent)
    7. They treat self-compassion as essential — not as a reward
      Self-kindness matters. Happy people don’t bully themselves into improvement. They forgive mistakes, celebrate small successes, speak gently to themselves, rest without guilt, and build self-care into their worldview. That internal compassion transforms their emotional landscape, making them calmer, more resilient, more open to joy. (The Artful Parent)
    8. They actively shape and steer their lives — rather than drift
      Happiness isn’t something they wait for — they build it, piece by piece. Through consistent, intentional choices; clear boundaries; sculpting their environment; aligning actions with values. Even if they can’t control everything, they control what they can. They don’t drift; they steer. (The Artful Parent)

    The Takeaway — Build Happiness Through Small, Intentional Habits

    A fulfilling, well-loved life isn’t about perfect circumstances. It’s about how we live each day: choosing presence over distraction; simplicity over busyness; self-kindness over harsh judgment; relationships over isolation; meaning over mere achievement. (The Artful Parent)

    Happiness isn’t discovered — it’s created. Through daily rituals, heartfelt choices, and compassionate self-attention, we weave a life worthy of love. (The Artful Parent)

    Now to weave the insights above, into insights from near-death experiences (NDEs) and Christian spirituality, showing how all three streams point toward a shared vision of inner transformation, love-based living, and the art of choosing joy.

    How These 8 Habits Echo NDE Lessons and Christian Spirituality

    Happiness is not the result of perfect circumstances but of small, intentional practices that shape how we experience life. This idea is strikingly consistent with both NDE testimonies and the heart of Christian spirituality, which teach that transformation begins within — not in changing the outer world, but in choosing a deeper way of seeing and living.

    1. Gratitude as a Spiritual Vision

    People who return from NDEs commonly say everything they once took for granted was sacred all along — sunlight, laughter, a meal, even breath itself. They speak as though the ordinary world glowed with hidden meaning.
    This mirrors the first habit of happiness: daily gratitude, not as a slogan, but as a way of seeing.
    Christian mystics echo this: “Give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thess. 5:18) is less a rule and more a training of the eyes — to see life through the lens of grace.

    2. Progress Over Perfection — The Spiritual Journey

    In NDEs, people often say earth is a school — not meant for perfection, but for growth. Perfection is an illusion; becoming is what matters.
    Christians say something similar: sanctification is a process, a journey of the heart.
    The happiest people, according to the article, don’t strive to appear perfect — they aim to grow a little each day.
    That is also how love develops: through small daily choices, not one heroic moment.

    3. Simplifying vs. Accumulating

    Nearly every NDE includes a moment of clarity: what we chase—status, possessions, approval—turns out to be dust. What endures is love.
    The article advises subtracting what drains the soul — noise, excess, toxic pressure — to make room for what matters.
    Jesus said the same: “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matt. 6:21)
    To simplify is not to own less, but to cling less — to live lighter so one may love deeper.

    4. Love as the Measurement of a Life

    NDE accounts frequently say that on “the other side,” people are shown their life — not through judgment, but through relationship:
    How did you love?
    Whom did you help?
    Did your choices add kindness to the world?
    That matches both the article’s central idea and Christ’s:

    “Whatever you did for the least of these… you did for me.”
    Happiness — real, durable happiness — is relational, not individualistic.

    5. Letting Go of Control — and Trusting

    Christian spirituality and NDE insights both teach that most suffering comes from trying to control what we can’t.
    The article’s advice — invest energy in what’s within your control, release what is not — is deeply spiritual.
    It is the difference between anxiety and trust.
    It echoes Jesus’ words: “Do not worry about tomorrow…” and the NDE lesson that surrender is not defeat but alignment with a wiser flow of life.

    6. Self-Compassion as a Foundation, Not a Reward

    After an NDE, people often say they experienced being unconditionally loved — even when they felt unworthy.
    That experience permanently changes how they treat themselves. It softens judgment.
    Christianity at its core teaches this too: you are beloved first, before you are good.
    True self-compassion is not narcissism — it is the soil in which transformation grows.

    7. Life as an Active Creation

    Perhaps the deepest connection between NDEs, Christian discipleship, and the happiness habits is this:
    a good life is not stumbled into — it is authored.
    People who love their lives don’t wait for the right feelings; they shape their habits, attention, time, relationships, and environment.
    This is spiritual agency.
    Christ calls it “building your house on the rock.”
    NDEs describe it as “living your purpose.”
    The article calls it “choosing how to steer your life.”

    They are three languages pointing toward the same truth:

    Life responds to the way you live it.

    In the End, the Themes Converge

    Happiness ScienceNDE LessonsChristian Spirituality
    Joy comes from habitsJoy comes from perceptionJoy is a fruit of the Spirit
    Love is centralLove is the measure of lifeGod is love
    Progress over perfectionLife is a schoolSanctification is lifelong
    Simplify to clarifyPossessions don’t matterStore treasures in heaven
    Self-compassion mattersYou are unconditionally lovedGrace precedes transformation

    So in all three worlds — psychology, NDEs, and Christian faith — happiness is not passive. It is a sacred participation.
    It is not luck. It is a way of being.
    It is not a possession. It is a practice.

    It is the gradual creation of a heart capable of love.

  • Manson’s book about how ‘everything is f*cked’ and how it relates to hope and the happiness

    I wrote about Manson’s book “The Subtle Art of Not GIving a F*ck” and now we turn our attention to his other book…

    “Everything Is F*cked” –

    Core Premise

    • Life is materially better than ever, yet people feel spiritually and psychologically bankrupt.
    • Hope is the ultimate resource, and society is losing it.

    1. The Paradox of Progress

    • Comfort, wealth, and technology have increased; anxiety, depression, and cynicism have also risen.
    • Material success ≠ happiness.

    Lesson: Focus on internal values and meaning, not external validation.

    2. The Crisis of Hope

    • Hope comes from believing in a larger narrative or purpose.
    • Modern ideologies (consumerism, politics, social media) often provide false or shallow hope.

    Lesson: Cultivate hope through authentic values and personal responsibility.

    3. Values and Responsibility

    • Poor or destructive values: instant gratification, entitlement, avoidance of discomfort.
    • Good values: long-term responsibility, resilience, honesty, enduring struggle.

    Lesson: Choose values that prepare you for adversity, not just comfort.

    4. Meaning and the Mind

    • Humans naturally create meaning, even in meaningless circumstances.
    • Problems arise when meaning is based on illusions, fantasies, or moral superiority.

    Lesson: Base life meaning on reality, responsibility, and ethical principles, not vanity or social status.

    5. Pain is Good

    • Suffering is essential for growth, character, and hope.
    • Avoiding discomfort leads to nihilism, cynicism, or stagnation.

    Lesson: Embrace pain as a teacher and guide.

    6. Self-Deception & Society

    • Modern people often blame external forces instead of accepting personal responsibility.
    • Freedom and hope require owning your life and choices.

    Lesson: Stop blaming, start acting consciously and deliberately.

    7. Key Takeaways

    1. Life is difficult and uncertain — avoid illusions of comfort.
    2. Meaning, hope, and fulfillment come from enduring struggle responsibly.
    3. True freedom = responsibility + honesty + clear values.
    4. Happiness is byproduct of growth and ethical alignment, not external success.

    Practical Application

    • Identify your core values and align your life with them.
    • Practice resilience and delayed gratification.
    • Face problems instead of avoiding them.
    • Maintain realistic optimism, grounded in action, not fantasy.
    • Limit social media, consumerist, or political distractions that undermine hope.

  • When Trying to do Good Feels Like Pretending

    When Trying to do Good Feels Like Pretending

    There’s a strange unease that sometimes comes with trying to be good. You hold the door for someone, speak kindly, give when it’s inconvenient—and yet, inside, something feels off. It feels practiced, maybe even fake. You wonder, am I actually a good person, or am I just acting like one?

    This tension is more common than we think. Many who set out to live a life of faith or virtue encounter it early on. We imagine goodness should flow effortlessly, as though saints never had to “pretend.” But in truth, most spiritual growth begins exactly there—in the uncomfortable space between what we do and what we feel.

    Learning the Motions of the Heart

    Every genuine transformation begins with practice. When we first learn to play an instrument, our fingers stumble; when we first begin to pray, our minds wander. Yet by showing up again and again, the outer motions slowly shape the inner rhythm.

    It’s the same with virtue. Even when kindness feels forced, it plants a seed. Even when patience feels like a performance, it begins to form real patience within us. We are training the soul to remember what love looks like, long before it feels natural.

    Doing Good is Still Good

    There’s a subtle trap in waiting until our motives are pure before acting. If we waited until we felt perfectly loving to love, we might never start. Love, in its truest sense, is an act of the will. It’s a choice, not just an emotion.

    A parent waking in the night to care for a crying child may not feel loving in that moment, but the act itself is love. In the same way, when we practice kindness, forgiveness, or generosity—even with a reluctant heart—we are still participating in goodness. And that participation gradually softens and reshapes the heart itself.

    The Slow Work of Grace

    Spiritual growth is rarely dramatic. It unfolds like a slow dawn, with long stretches of half-light. What begins as discipline—doing what we know is right—becomes devotion as our inner life catches up.

    It’s easy to mistake the awkwardness of that stage for hypocrisy. But in reality, it’s a sign of sincerity. If you’re worried about “faking it,” it means you care about authenticity. A true hypocrite wouldn’t even notice the gap between the inner and outer self.

    Letting God Do the Forming

    At some point, we have to let go of the anxiety about whether we’re “doing it right” and trust that grace is at work beneath the surface. The Spirit uses even our halting, imperfect efforts to shape us into something more whole.

    We act in faith, and God forms in love.

    In the end, what feels like pretending may actually be the first stirrings of transformation.
    We begin by imitating the good—and slowly, through patience and practice, goodness becomes who we are.

  • how the elements of the science of happiness relate to the elements of fulfillment in modern psychology

    In my last post I broke down some foundational elements related to the science of happiness. In this post, I look at some of what modern psychology has offered as essential human needs that must be met to find fulfillment. I analyze this by comparing the elements of the science of happiness with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

    Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a model of human motivation that shows how well-being builds in layers. At the foundation are basic survival needs like food, water, and sleep, followed by safety and security. Once these essentials are met, people naturally seek connection, love, and belonging, then respect and achievement, and finally personal growth and self-transcendence. The hierarchy illustrates that true fulfillment arises not from any single need but from satisfying these needs in a way that allows higher levels of meaning, purpose, and personal development to emerge.

    Mapping the Science of Happiness Framework to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

    1. Biological Foundations → Maslow’s Physiological Needs

    • Maslow: food, water, shelter, sleep, health.
    • Your framework: sleep, nutrition, exercise, nature, play, and exposure to beauty.
    • Relation: Both prioritize the body as the foundation for well-being. Your framework expands the basics with lifestyle and restorative elements.

    2. Safety / Stability → Maslow’s Safety Needs

    • Maslow: security, stability, freedom from harm.
    • Your framework: structure, routine, trust, and emotional safety.
    • Relation: Establishing predictable routines, secure relationships, and a safe environment supports psychological and emotional growth, matching Maslow’s safety tier.

    3. Relational & Communal → Maslow’s Love & Belonging

    • Maslow: friendships, intimacy, social connection.
    • Your framework: connection, compassion, forgiveness, acts of kindness, belonging, and contribution to others.
    • Relation: Both emphasize relationships, but your framework adds moral and altruistic dimensions — cultivating joy and meaning through caring for others as well as self.

    4. Psychological Processes → Maslow’s Esteem / Self-Actualization

    • Maslow: achievement, competence, respect from self and others.
    • Your framework: gratitude, cognitive reframing, flow, engagement, goal-setting, resilience, emotional awareness, growth mindset, hedonic adaptation awareness.
    • Relation: While Maslow treats esteem and self-actualization hierarchically, your framework highlights skills and practices that actively cultivate mastery, satisfaction, and personal growth at all stages.

    5. Existential & Spiritual → Maslow’s Self-Actualization / Self-Transcendence

    • Maslow: realizing potential, creativity, personal growth, transcendence.
    • Your framework: meaning and purpose, acceptance, surrender, alignment of values and actions, awe, transcendence, embracing and transcending negativity.
    • Relation: Your layers match Maslow’s top tiers but go further by emphasizing active cultivation of inner peace, purpose, and spiritual awareness, not just potential states.

    6. Integrative & Transformative Practices → Maslow’s Self-Actualization / Self-Transcendence

    • Maslow: self-actualization and transcendence describe aspirational states.
    • Your framework: meditation, shadow integration, SDT fulfillment (autonomy, competence, relatedness), identity coherence, reflective practices.
    • Relation: These are actionable practices that help a person reach Maslow’s top stages; Maslow describes what is possible, your framework explains how to get there.

    7. Meta-Principles → Overarching Theme Across All Levels

    • Maslow: doesn’t explicitly include guiding principles; top stage implies alignment and integration.
    • Your framework: balance of acceptance and growth, love as integrator, inner transformation over external accumulation.
    • Relation: Provides an overarching lens for navigating all levels, adding intentionality and integration that Maslow leaves implicit.

    Summary in Words:

    • Maslow provides a hierarchy of needs — a roadmap of what must be met for flourishing.
    • Your layered framework is a practical, holistic guide — a roadmap of how to cultivate flourishing across body, mind, relationships, meaning, and integration.
    • Maslow is mostly descriptive; your framework is operational and actionable, embedding skills, practices, and transformative work at each level.
    • Your framework also flattens the pyramid somewhat: biological, psychological, relational, and existential layers are interdependent, not strictly sequential.

  • The Science of Happiness – Core Framework

    In this blog, I cover near death experiences and christian spirituality. And, I often tie in the science of happiness in how these concepts relate to each other. In this post, I’m tackling breaking down the science of happiness into some of its most basic concepts.

    The Science of Happiness — Core Framework

    🧬 1. Biological Foundations

    Happiness is embodied. Our physical state sets the stage for mental clarity and emotional balance.

    • Sleep, nutrition, exercise – essential for neurochemical balance and energy regulation.
    • Nature and beauty – exposure to natural environments and art reduces stress and restores vitality.
    • Play and humor – spontaneous joy and laughter stimulate creativity and resilience.

    🧠 2. Psychological Processes

    These are the mental and emotional skills that shape how we interpret and respond to life.

    • Gratitude – focusing on what’s good trains the brain toward contentment.
    • Cognitive reframing – shifting perspective transforms suffering into growth.
    • Flow and engagement – full absorption in meaningful activity creates intrinsic satisfaction.
    • Goal setting – gives direction and measurable progress.
    • Resilience – the learned capacity to recover and grow from adversity.
    • Growth mindset – viewing challenges as opportunities for learning.
    • Emotional awareness and regulation – identifying and balancing one’s emotions consciously.
    • Hedonic adaptation – awareness that happiness from pleasure fades, so deeper sources must be cultivated.

    💞 3. Relational and Communal Dimensions

    Happiness thrives in connection — our bonds with others sustain and mirror our inner state.

    • Connection and belonging – social support is the strongest predictor of lasting happiness.
    • Compassion and empathy – seeing others’ pain with kindness enriches both giver and receiver.
    • Forgiveness – releasing resentment frees energy for joy and peace.
    • Acts of kindness and service – altruism and contribution to others deepen meaning.
    • Trust and safety – emotional security allows authenticity and love to grow.

    🌿 4. Existential and Spiritual Dimensions

    True well-being requires peace with impermanence, meaning, and mystery.

    • Meaning and purpose – knowing why we live sustains happiness beyond circumstances.
    • Acceptance and surrender – letting go of resistance to reality; inner peace through trust in life or God.
    • Transcendence and awe – experiences that dissolve the ego and connect us with something greater.
    • Faith or ultimate trust – a stance of openness to life’s benevolence, even in uncertainty.
    • Alignment of values and actions (integrity) – harmony between conscience and behavior.
    • Embracing and transcending negativity – integrating suffering as a teacher.

    🪞 5. Integrative and Transformative Practices

    These practices synthesize the inner and outer, leading toward wholeness and spiritual maturity.

    • Meditation and mindfulness – training awareness and presence.
    • Structure and routine – rhythm creates stability and frees energy for growth.
    • Self-determination theory – fulfilling the needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness.
    • Shadow integration – confronting denied aspects of self (Jung) to achieve psychological wholeness.
    • Identity coherence – uniting different facets of self under an authentic narrative.

    ✨ 6. Meta-Principles (Underlying Themes)

    These describe the overall spirit of the science of happiness:

    • Balance between acceptance and growth – peace with what is, while evolving toward what can be.
    • Inner transformation over external accumulation – happiness as an inside-out process.
    • Love as the highest integrator – connecting self, others, and God in harmony.

  • Understanding Negative Near-Death Experiences (NNDEs) and the Role of Morality, Psychology, and Incongruence – then comparing this to traditional Christian theology

    Understanding Negative Near-Death Experiences (NNDEs) and the Role of Morality, Psychology, and Incongruence

    When people experience negative near-death experiences (NNDEs), they often report feelings of fear, darkness, or isolation. These experiences raise an important question: are they caused mainly by psychology (how we feel and think), morality (how we live), or something deeper?

    Here’s a simple, organized way to understand it.

    1. The Psychological View

    • Some researchers (like Greyson and Ring) say NNDEs reflect a person’s mental and emotional state at death.
    • For example, if someone feels scared, guilty, or hopeless, their NDE might be frightening.
    • Key idea: morality only matters if it affects emotions. If a person does bad things but feels calm or unaware of guilt, they might avoid a negative experience.

    Example: A person who has been mean to others but doesn’t feel guilty might not feel fear during an NDE.

    2. The Moral-Spiritual Connection

    • Many spiritual traditions — Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism — say that our actions shape our inner state, which affects what we experience at death.
    • Doing bad things repeatedly can damage our inner peace, love, and openness, even if we don’t consciously feel guilty.
    • In this view, morality and psychology aren’t separate — our choices shape who we are inside, and that shows up in an NDE.

    Analogy: Gravity doesn’t care if you smile while jumping off a cliff — morality shapes reality in a similar way.

    3. The Role of Incongruence

    Here’s the unique insight I’ve developed: incongruence.

    • Definition: Incongruence happens when someone knows what is right (their conscience) but chooses to do wrong.
    • This gap between knowing and doing creates inner conflict, guilt, shame, or fear.
    • Over time, incongruence can fracture a person’s inner world, which is often what negative NDEs reflect.

    Important nuances:

    1. Some “bad” people who don’t realize they are doing wrong may not experience negative NDEs because they are congruent with their worldview.
    2. Some “good” people may still experience frightening NDEs if they struggle with fear, attachment, or unresolved inner conflict.
    3. Grace or mercy can sometimes heal incongruence, allowing even flawed people to experience positive NDEs.

    Summary: NNDEs are not punishment. They are more like a mirror showing the state of a person’s inner life.

    4. Four Ways People Explain NNDEs

    Here’s a simple spectrum from purely psychological to deeply spiritual:

    ApproachExplanation of NNDEsHow incongruence fits
    PsychologicalNNDEs reflect emotions and mindset at death.Incongruence shows why guilt and inner conflict create fear.
    Hybrid (Psychology + Morality)Wrongdoing shapes inner state, which shapes NDEs.Incongruence pinpoints exactly why moral choices affect psychology.
    Moral-SpiritualInner alignment with truth/love matters. Wrongdoing separates you from goodness.Incongruence explains how conscious violations fracture the soul.
    Radical GraceGod’s or universal love can override inner flaws, offering mercy.Incongruence shows where grace heals inner conflict, not just rewards or punishes.

    5. Simple Takeaways

    1. NNDEs are mirrors, not punishments. They reflect your inner state at the threshold of death.
    2. Psychology matters, but morality shapes psychology. What you do repeatedly affects who you become inside.
    3. Incongruence is key. Deliberately doing what you know is wrong fractures your inner life, making negative experiences more likely.
    4. Ignorance or grace can lessen fear. Someone unaware of wrongdoing may avoid a negative experience, and mercy can heal even fractured inner states.

    Analogy: Think of your inner life like a mirror. A clean, honest, and whole mirror reflects light beautifully. A cracked or dirty mirror distorts what it reflects. Incongruence is what cracks the mirror.

    How Christian Theology Fits In

    Christianity gives us a rich way to understand this through its teaching on sin and grave matter.

    A. Sin

    A sin happens when someone knowingly and intentionally chooses to do what they recognize as wrong.
    It has three parts:

    1. You know something is wrong.
    2. You intend to do it anyway.
    3. You actually do it.

    This kind of act goes directly against the light of conscience — it’s a form of incongruence.

    B. Grave Matter

    Christian teaching also recognizes grave matter — actions that are seriously wrong in themselves, whether or not the person fully understands or intends it.
    Examples might include acts of cruelty, betrayal, or destruction of life.
    Grave matter speaks to the objective side of morality — what is truly wrong — while sin speaks to the personal and subjective side — knowing something is wrong and doing it anyway.

    So, in this picture:

    • Sin affects your psychology — your inner peace and sense of connection.
    • Grave matter affects your spiritual alignment — your relationship to what is right and true, even if you don’t feel guilty.

    When NDE researchers say morality can affect the NDE, you can think of it like this:

    • Grave matter affects the spiritual tone of the NDE.
    • Sin (and thus incongruence) affects the psychological tone of the NDE.

    The Mirror Analogy

    Imagine your soul is like a mirror that reflects divine light.
    When you live truthfully, that mirror stays clear — the light shines through easily.
    But when you live with incongruence — when you knowingly choose darkness — the mirror cracks or clouds over.

    It’s not that God’s light disappears. The light is still shining.
    But the cracks in the mirror distort it.
    That’s why Jesus said:

    For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. […] This is the condemnation: that light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light.” (John 3:16)

    In NDE accounts, this “condemnation” often feels like self-judgment, not external punishment. People report seeing their lives replayed — feeling the effects of their actions from others’ perspectives. Many say they judge themselves in that light, realizing the ways they turned away from love. (It’s also important to note, that NDEs might just be a porch to the afterlife, where the afterlife itself is different than what NDEs teach, and in christian theology, the final judgment may also be different than the judgment encountered in NDEs. )

    So in this model:

    • God doesn’t need to punish — we face the truth of who we’ve become.
    • The light of truth reveals the cracks — our own incongruence.

    Grace and Redemption

    But Christian theology also says the story doesn’t end there.
    The light isn’t there to destroy — it’s there to heal.
    When people in NDEs call out for help, surrender, or turn toward the light, the darkness often fades and they are lifted into peace and love.

    That moment of turning — from self-centeredness to love, from darkness to light — mirrors repentance and grace in Christian teaching.
    It shows that no matter how cracked the mirror becomes, the light is always ready to shine through again.

    As 1 John 1:5–7 says:

    “God is light; in him there is no darkness at all… if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus purifies us from all sin.”

    In both NDE and theology, this turning toward the light represents healing congruence — the reuniting of the person’s soul with love, truth, and God.

    In Simple Terms

    • Doing wrong damages your peace.
    • Living against your conscience breaks inner unity.
    • At death, the truth of who you are becomes visible.
    • The light isn’t out to punish — it’s there to reveal and heal.

    So in this model, heaven and hell aren’t just places — they’re conditions of the soul.
    They begin now, as we choose either light or darkness, truth or deception, love or selfishness.
    And the NDE, in many ways, simply shows us the mirror of that choice.

    Final Reflection

    Your life shapes your consciousness, your consciousness shapes your death experience, and your choices shape your eternal direction.
    As Jesus said, “The kingdom of God is within you.” (Luke 17:21)

    Living with integrity — in alignment with what we know is true and good — keeps the soul congruent with light.
    And when the moment comes to face that light fully, the more we have practiced love, humility, and honesty, the more clearly that light will shine through us.

  • Veridical Near-Death Experiences (NDEs): Case Studies That Challenge Materialism

    🧠 Veridical Near-Death Experiences (NDEs): Case Studies That Challenge Materialism

    Some of the most intriguing and controversial cases in NDE research involve veridical perception—instances where people accurately perceive details of the physical world during a period of clinical death or unconsciousness. These cases raise profound questions about the nature of consciousness, perception, and whether awareness can persist beyond brain activity.

    Below is a structured comparison of three of the most compelling veridical NDE cases, followed by an in-depth overview of the widely cited case of Vicki Noratuk, who was blind from birth.

    🔍 Comparison Table: Three Major Veridical NDE Cases

    CaseName & BackgroundClaimed Perceptions During NDEWhy It’s SignificantSkeptical Counterpoints
    🧠 Pam ReynoldsUnderwent rare “standstill” brain surgery (EEG flatline, eyes taped shut, ears blocked)Described surgical tools, saw bone saw, heard conversations during deep clinical deathEEG confirmed no brain activity; she described accurate, real-time surgical detailsCritics question the timing; suggest residual hearing before or after flatline
    👟 Maria’s “Shoe on the Ledge” CaseHeart attack patient in Seattle hospitalClaimed to see a blue tennis shoe on hospital’s third-floor ledge while out-of-bodyA nurse later found the shoe exactly as described, in a location she couldn’t have seenSkeptics argue story may have been retrofitted or exaggerated post hoc
    👩‍🦯 Vicki Noratuk (Umipeg)Blind from birth, unconscious after car accidentReported seeing herself, equipment, jewelry, and people in room with stunning detailNo visual memory or experience to draw on—yet she described accurate visual scenesSkeptics cite conceptual reconstruction or possible leading questions

    👩‍🦯 In-Depth Case Study: Vicki Noratuk (aka Vicki Umipeg)

    One of the most striking and frequently cited cases in NDE literature is that of Vicki Noratuk, a woman who was blind from birth—yet during her near-death experience, she described detailed and accurate visual perceptions that defy medical explanation.

    🧠 Key Details of Her Case

    • Vicki was congenitally blind, likely due to cortical blindness, meaning her visual cortex never developed and she had no visual experiences or mental imagery.
    • She became clinically unconscious after a car accident, experiencing an NDE during which she reported leaving her body.
    • She described seeing herself, her surroundings, medical staff, and later even floating outside the hospital.
    • She also encountered deceased relatives and described a realm of light, peace, and love.

    👁️ Why Vicki’s Case Is Unique

    ✅ 1. Veridical Perception with No Visual Memory

    • Vicki accurately described details about her own body, the hospital room, equipment, and people she’d never “seen.”
    • She recognized objects like a wedding ring and facial features with no prior sensory reference.
    • Her descriptions were later confirmed by sighted individuals present during the event.

    ✅ 2. Blind from Birth

    • Vicki had no concept of light, color, or vision prior to her NDE.
    • She described the experience as seeing for the first time and found it overwhelming and difficult to express, lacking a framework of visual memory to draw from.

    🧪 Significance in Consciousness Studies

    Vicki’s case was studied and documented by Dr. Kenneth Ring and Dr. Sharon Cooper in their 1999 book Mindsight, which examines multiple NDEs involving the congenitally blind.

    Her account challenges core assumptions of neuroscience:

    • That visual perception requires a functioning visual system.
    • That conscious awareness is localized entirely in the brain.
    • That meaningful perception is impossible during unconsciousness.

    Instead, her case points toward the possibility of non-local consciousness—a mind capable of perceiving information beyond the physical senses and even in the absence of normal neural activity.

    ⚖️ Skeptical Interpretations

    Critics argue that:

    • Vicki may have conceptually reconstructed imagery using auditory and tactile cues from her life.
    • The account is anecdotal, and the timing of observations was not strictly verified.
    • Memory contamination or post-event suggestion could account for some of the accuracy.

    However, these criticisms often fail to explain:

    • The specific and accurate visual content she reported.
    • Her total absence of prior visual memory.
    • The similarity of blind NDE reports across multiple cases and cultures.

    📚 Summary & Implications

    AspectTakeaway
    Accuracy of visual descriptionVerified by independent sources
    Visual capability prior to NDENone—blind since birth
    Scientific impactSuggests consciousness may not be brain-bound
    Evidential weightAnecdotal but strong due to the uniqueness of blindness from birth

    ✅ Final Thoughts: The Cumulative Effect

    None of these cases alone “proves” consciousness survives death—but together, they form a compelling and coherent pattern:

    • Perceptions occur outside the range of physical senses.
    • They often happen during flat EEG, cardiac arrest, or deep unconsciousness.
    • The details are frequently confirmed by third parties.
    • Such cases raise serious challenges to the materialist model of consciousness.

    Whether one interprets these accounts spiritually, philosophically, or scientifically, they remain some of the most important data points in the study of mind, brain, and the possibility of life beyond death.

  • Work, Meaning, and the Deep Wiring of Human Happiness

    Work, Meaning, and the Deep Wiring of Human Happiness

    It’s wired into human nature: we feel most alive when we’re doing. In the field of positive psychology, this is known as satisfaction — the deep sense of well-being that emerges not from passivity or pleasure alone, but from engaging with life. Real happiness isn’t about comfort. It’s about movement. Growth. Energy. Becoming.

    🏃‍♂️ Why “Just Do It” Actually Works

    One of the core barriers to human happiness is inertia — the tendency to avoid effort and coast in comfort. But ironically, this very comfort erodes us. The science of happiness shows that humans need to overcome resistance to feel joy. That’s why slogans like Just Do It resonate so powerfully: they cut through the noise of procrastination and self-doubt and point us toward action — toward the path of inner alignment.

    It’s not about becoming a productivity machine. It’s about becoming fully human.

    😐 Embracing the Negative Is Part of the Deal

    As Mark Manson puts it in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*, trying to be happy all the time is a recipe for disappointment. Life throws curveballs. Pain, loss, conflict, uncertainty — these aren’t bugs in the system; they’re features of the human experience. The trick isn’t to avoid them, but to face them head-on, with honesty and resilience.

    This is deeply compatible with both ancient philosophy and modern science: happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to handle them.

    ⏳ Science Says: You Only Need 8 Hours of Paid Work

    Recent research shows that the optimal amount of paid work per week — in terms of mental health and satisfaction — is around 8 hours. Beyond that, well-being doesn’t increase significantly. This is a game-changer: it implies that a full-time job isn’t a full-time source of happiness. We need to shift how we think about work: not as the sole source of meaning, but as a piece of a deeper, more holistic life puzzle.

    ❤️ Beyond Work: Purpose and Meaning

    Not all satisfaction comes from work. In fact, most of it doesn’t. Outside the world of tasks and paychecks lies the real question: What is your life for?

    For many, that answer is murky. But for Christians, it’s stunningly clear:

    • Our meaning is to love.
    • Our purpose is to serve.

    That may sound poetic, but it’s immensely practical. It means that the world offers us an endless number of meaningful challenges — opportunities to comfort, to create, to heal, to guide, to stand up for what’s right. In every relationship, every act of generosity, every moment of presence, we find work that matters.

    This kind of work doesn’t burn us out. It builds us up.

    🧭 My Insight: The Soul Needs Challenge Like the Body Needs Movement

    The modern world often tells us happiness is found in ease, safety, and abundance. But the soul knows better. Just as muscles atrophy without use, the human spirit wilts without purpose. Challenge, when chosen and aligned with values, is nutrient-dense. It keeps us vital.

    That’s why real joy is not passive. It’s active, sacred, and often messy. It shows up not when we avoid hardship, but when we engage life on purpose — with love in our hands and service in our stride.

    ✨ Final Thought

    You don’t need a 60-hour workweek or a mountain of achievements to be happy. You need:

    • A bit of purposeful work.
    • A mindset that embraces challenge.
    • And a life rooted in love and service.

    That’s not a life of scarcity. That’s a life of overflow — one where satisfaction isn’t chased, but cultivated.

  • Analyzing how Christians and other humans achieve their fullest potential through the lens of active accomplishment and simply being at one with creation

    This post combines previous concepts into Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It’s best to read these next two previous blogs and then the below introduction to maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and then read the analysis that integrates them into a coherent whole. This post is heavy in analysis, that gives food for spiritual thought.

    **Sacred Stillness: A Framework for Flourishing through Presence, Boundaries, and Renewal**
    https://thelawoflovebook.com/2025/06/21/289/

    The nature of love, and the nature of accomplishment and the nature of simply being at one with creation
    https://thelawoflovebook.com/2025/06/03/is-love-inherently-self-sacrificial-in-ndes-and-christianity-and-is-it-more-about-being-or-doing/

    Maslow, Sacred Stillness, and the Purpose to Be vs. Do

    🧱 Introduction: What Is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?

    Abraham Maslow, a humanistic psychologist, proposed a simple but profound idea: humans are driven by a hierarchy of needs, a layered pyramid of motivations that begin with physical survival and ascend toward personal and spiritual fulfillment. The five classic levels, later expanded to six, are:

    1. Physiological needs: food, water, sleep, shelter
    2. Safety needs: stability, security, health
    3. Love and belonging: relationships, connection, community
    4. Esteem: respect, self-worth, accomplishment
    5. Self-actualization: realizing your full potential
    6. Transcendence: connecting with something greater than yourself

    Maslow believed each level must be reasonably satisfied before the next becomes a priority. But life isn’t always linear, and spiritual insights often complicate this sequence in illuminating ways.

    🌿 Sacred Stillness Within Maslow’s Pyramid

    Sacred Stillness is the state of withdrawing from the noise of life to reconnect with your deepest self, God, or simply the moment. It includes:

    • Carefree timelessness
    • Boundaries
    • Solitude and prayer
    • The healing power of presence

    How It Maps onto Maslow:

    Maslow LevelSacred Stillness Connection
    PhysiologicalStillness allows for rest, digestion, and physical recovery
    SafetyBoundaries create emotional and psychological safety
    Love & BelongingCarefree timelessness deepens true intimacy
    EsteemWithdrawing to reflect strengthens self-worth and autonomy
    Self-actualizationStillness is the soil where authenticity and purpose grow
    TranscendenceSilence and solitude open us to divine union or higher truth

    🛠️ The Purpose to Do: A Performance-Driven Climb

    The “Purpose to Do” approach sees each level as something to accomplish:

    • Provide for yourself
    • Achieve stability
    • Earn love through action
    • Prove your worth
    • Discover your mission
    • Serve a higher cause

    This model works well in many life contexts—but it can also lead to burnout, perfectionism, and spiritual dryness if not rooted in deeper being.

    🔄 Being vs. Doing Within the Hierarchy

    Let’s contrast both models through Maslow’s lens:

    LevelSacred Stillness (Being)Purpose to Do (Doing)
    PhysiologicalRest, embodiment, mindful eatingHustle to earn basic resources
    SafetyEmotional boundaries, spiritual trustBuild walls, control everything
    Love & BelongingPresence, joy in connection without utilityPeople-pleasing, performative love
    EsteemRooted confidence from inner clarityAchievement, status, approval
    Self-actualizationIntuition, surrender, contemplationProductivity, mastery, impact
    TranscendenceMystical union, awe, worshipHeroic service, changing the world

    ❤️ Is Love Sacrificial? Being or Doing?

    In Christianity, love is often shown through sacrifice: “Greater love has no one than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). Love is something you do, often at great cost.

    In NDE (Near-Death Experience) accounts, love is often experienced as something you are. It’s not earned or performed. You return not just to love others, but to embody love.

    But in both systems:

    • Being love leads to doing love.
    • The doing becomes natural, not forced.

    So:

    • Doing alone can exhaust or distort love.
    • Being alone can become self-contained or passive.
    • Integrated love: Being fuels doing; doing expresses being.

    🎨 Artist vs. Saint: A Vocation of Being or Doing?

    ArchetypeRooted InStrengthsPitfalls
    ArtistBeingExpresses beauty, visionIsolation, detachment
    SaintDoingEmbodies compassion, sacrificeBurnout, martyr complex
    IntegratedBeing and DoingLoves from a place of fullnessGrounded, sustainable vocation

    🔔 Final Reflection

    Being is the root. Doing is the fruit.

    Maslow gives us a map for human growth. But if we only climb through striving, we miss the point. The pyramid isn’t a ladder to conquer—it’s a space to inhabit with love.

    Love is not merely self-sacrifice, though it often includes it. Love is not just presence, though it flows from it.

    Love is who we are. And from that place of sacred stillness, we move.